I barely notice Clyde and Cora arriving, a full two hours after Yumi and I got here this morning. All I know is that I’ve lost mywill to live. Frustration wraps its hands around my neck and chokes me.
It’s hard to tell if anyone is making progress, but the other three teams seem to be in much better spirits than I am. KC’s and Gabriel’s laughter carries over the sound of the waves, and I sincerely miss Team Kendycane. At least I could root against them. But even when Team Football is being annoying, I still like them.
I comfort myself with refrains ofAt least no one else has found it.Until they do.
“Let’s go!” KC bellows, his voice a deep rumble of thunder across the dark cloud of my mood.
“Yeah, baby!” Gabriel is at his partner’s side before I even notice him running over. He takes the half-broken portable speaker from KC and hoists it above his head, kissing it like the Stanley Cup. The goldAdventureverseemblem catches the light in the process.
They sprint off, hollering about how KC’s got that dog in him, and something in me dies. But I keep going, though it feels futile. The sand is my enemy. It shifts beneath my feet with each step I take, trickling into my sneakers as my exhausted muscles struggle to keep me upright.
Cora finds a logo as we enter the third hour of the challenge. Clyde’s infuriating “Finally” makes me want to scream.
I start to second-guess myself, question whether my vision is narrowed by blinders. I know I already picked up that discarded life vest, but what if the logo was on it and I didn’t register it? I picture the show playing the doofus clown music, highlighting a piece of garbage I’ve walked past one hundred times, one I’ve evenheld in my hands. It’s a very specific kind of torture, the kind Greek gods would have loved implementing. A dramatic irony, the knowledge that no matter how many times Tantalus reaches for the fruit above him, it will always pull away. I will never find this logo.
The final blow to my morale comes when Bee quietly strolls over, emblazoned piece of garbage in hand.
“Hey, uh…” She cocks her head. “You want…help?”
It’s so silent, even the waves seem to hold their breath. I don’t know when Bee and Logan completed the challenge; they didn’t celebrate like the other two teams did. We are so pathetic that the villains of the season are offering us help. So pathetic that they didn’t make a single noise as they pushed us off the winner’s pedestal.
I look to Yumi for permission, but she just shrugs, leaving it up to me.
As much as I would love a chance to stay in the game, at the end of the day accepting this type of help at the final four is something any self-respecting superfan would judge harshly from the comfort of a pillow fort. If Yumi and I won, it would be so deeply contested that the social media harassment would make it almost not worth it. For two million, I’m sure I could withstand the bullying, but I love this game and respect this gameso muchthat I just can’t take the help.
I shake my head at Bee. “Thanks, though.”
She smiles like she understands, handing me the deflated soccer ball she found. “Look at it, at least. So you know what to search for.”
I’m thankful for the gesture, but it doesn’t really help me. Still, I turn it over, examining the goldADVlogo that mimics a wax seal before giving it back to her. She claps a hand on my arm, then takes off running toward a waiting Logan, and they both disappear down the beach.
At first, my search resumes with a frenzied intensity, every muscle in my body tense and focused.
Some delusional part of me thinks that we could still be in this. Maybe it’s a non-elimination leg, despiteThe Adventureversenever doing non-elims at the final four. Maybe one of the teams is having a monumentally bad time at the group challenge. But I know, just below the surface, that we’ve lost. At the end of today, JSP is going to tell us that our adventure has come to an end.
On my knees, my skin rubbed raw by each individual grain of sand, I look to Yumi, frustrated tears in my eyes. “I don’t know what to do,” I say, my voice sore and broken.
She shakes her head, ducking under the tape and approaching with her palms outturned like a saint. “Come take a break.”
“But I—” I break off, gazing helplessly at the remaining stretch of garbage, looking just as daunting as it did when we first arrived to Siloso Beach three hours ago.
“There’s no glory in suffering,” she says, tucking her hands into her pockets. When she reaches me, she leans down next to my ear and whispers, “Besides, you’re tilted.”
Chapter 44
Mics Off
I breathe a rough chuckle,let her pull me to my feet and lead us to a shady spot beneath a palm tree. The sand is cool here, a stark contrast to the hot coals I’ve spent the last few hours being raked across. I take off one of my sneakers and turn it over, pouring thousands of grains of sand back onto the beach.
“This feels like a metaphor,” Yumi says as I repeat the process with the other shoe.
“Ashes to ashes. Sand to sand,” I say solemnly, drawing a surprised laugh from her.
But I don’t laugh. It’s finally over. The stress, the faking, the…time with Yumi.
She sees something on my face. “It’s okay. Sometimes an Adventure just doesn’t go your way, right?”
“But why not?” I whine, letting my head collapse onto my knee. “Why couldn’t things just go my way this time?”
