It’s just after five, but my mother isn’t home from work.
I take the stairs two at a time, and before I know it, I’m knocking on Caleb’s door. Letting myself in.
He’s on his computer, but he turns to face me as soon as I enter.
“What’s your problem?”
He’s not asking why I barged in. He’s asking why I’m shaking. Why I’m pacing.
“Addie?”
I never go to my brother with problems. It feels like we’re hardly ever on the same side.
And yet…
He’s staring at me, confused. He actually looks concerned.
“I drove out of town today,” I say.
“Where?”
“Overton. It’s that facility for brain research andmemory procedures.” I hiss the last part. They don’t help you remember. They make you forget.
I’m pacing across his room as I speak, stepping over clothes and shoes and books and model airplanes and possible human remains. “You’ve heard of it, right?”
Most people have heard of it. But I’vebeenthere. As a patient.
God.
I need to sit down.
“I guess.” Caleb shrugs. He’s looking at the ground. At his unwalkable carpet. There’s a rumbling downstairs—the garage door opening. “Is that Mom?”
It must be, but I’m too caught up in what I’m saying to acknowledge his question.
“I think I’ve been there before,” I say, sounding like a balloon whose air is rushing out. “I think I had a procedure there. The guy at reception told me. I don’t think he meant to, but he was training and…”
My brother is not looking at me.
“Caleb.”
He doesn’t look up. His eyes are magnets, gripped by the carpet at his feet.
“Caleb?”
I take a step toward him.
“You know something!” I gasp.
“Addie, you have to talk to Mom about this,” he says, shaking his head. Still looking at the floor.
“So Ihavebeen there.” He’s not even denying it. I lean back against the wall, needing to feel something steady. The world seems to be spinning suddenly, shifting beneath my feet. “Tell me what you know.”
“Addie, seriously. Just…just go to Mom. Shut the door when you leave.” If he wasn’t frozen in place, he’d be pushing me out of his room. Letting the door shut in my face.
“No,” I hear myself say, suddenly ferocious. He’s my brother. Why are we never on the same side? “I don’t want to hear it from Mom.Youtell me.”
“For fuck’s sake, Addie,” Caleb says, annoyed, snapping out of his frozen state the slightest bit.
