Ro whooped now as he ran back into the lake, the bottle still in his hand. I tried not to look, but my eyes immediately went to the gray boxer briefs he was wearing. They left absolutely nothing to the imagination, and my neck went hot as I snatched my gaze away again.
“Give me that bottle,” I said. “I need some liquid courage.”
Smiling, Ro handed me the bottle. I grabbed it by the neck and took a long sip of something that burned the back of my throat. Together Ro and I waded deeper into the water.
“What if there’s fish in here? Or flesh-eating bacteria?” I asked.
“Nah,” he said. “I know a dude who swims here all the time. He’s missing a few toes, but ...”
I whacked his chest, and he laughed.
“I’m not going in any further,” I said. I was about hip-high in the water now, while Ro was in up to his mid-thigh.
I took another drink, then handed the bottle to him.
“What do you want to do next year?” I asked. “Do you want to go to your dad’s?”
“It doesn’t matter what I want. It seems like everything I want exists just so someone else can have it. The crazy thing is I always thought you and I were different.”
It felt like the alcohol was already making my mind cloudy.
“I literally have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said.
“Of course you don’t,” Rowan said in a voice that sounded strangely bitter.
“Am I supposed to?”
“I guess not. And yet you somehow manage to understand the complete lack of facial expression and the caveman grunts my brother makes.”
That was definitely bitter. And completely out of line. “Don’t talk about Luke that way.”
“That’s the thing,” Ro said. “I don’twantto talk about Luke at all. Not with you. Not after all this fucking time.”
“Why are you yelling?”
“Because you don’t get it!” he shouted. “And you don’t get it because you don’t want to.”
I stayed quiet and watched as he got more and more worked up. “All these years. I’m the reason youmethim. Me.” He pointed at his chest.
“Ro—” I said, but no words followed.
“There’s nothing about me you don’t know. And there’s nothing about you I don’t know. Except that—oh wait, you’re in love with my fucking brother.”
“I didn’t ... I don’t know everything about you,” I said.
“Like what?” he spat. “Name one thing you don’t know about me.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I said, feeling a fire start to burn inside me. “Why did you make me leave that night at your mom’s?”
“Itoldyou,” he said.
“You said you didn’t want me to see you cry. That’s bullshit!” I yelled back, even though I had made my peace with the answer. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t believe it. But it didn’t make any freaking sense. And it hurt.
Why would he ever, ever ask me to leave if I was truly family?
“Because, generally,Jessi,” he spat my name out like it was a bad word. “When you’re in love with someone, you don’t want them to see you bawling like a baby.”
I opened and shut my mouth like a guppy.
