8
THEN
The truth was,I had been almost bursting from wanting to tell Mel.
Other than the fact that I liked Luke, I had never kept a secret this big from her. In fact, my liking him hadn’t even been a secret; she and I had both known it but just never discussed it.
For the week after our fro-yo date, when Luke was back at State, he and I kept in touch, texting and talking every night. A couple of times, we fell asleep talking on the phone. He told me my lips tasted like cherries (probably thanks to my favorite ChapStick), and I told him I couldn’t get enough of the way he smelled. I could hear the grin in his voice when he promised to give me one of his shirts when he came home again that weekend.
Six hours was a long way to drive, but Luke liked being able to check in on Mel. Plus, we had to tell her. This was for real now.
I’d wanted him in the house for moral support when I told Mel, so he was upstairs. For some reason, I’d thought it would go over better if I did the actual telling alone. Maybe if I approached it right, she’d just see it as an extension of girl talk and be totally casual about the whole thing.
It’s no big deal,I told myself over and over, but my hands were shaking as I walked into the kitchen. I’d talked to Mel many times in the past about boys, of course. And she always gave me advice like “Be yourself” and “Carry breath mints” and “Girls can totally make the first move.” But none of those boys had been her son. I had no idea how she was going to react. Would she yell? Laugh in my face? Throw me out of her house and forbid me and Luke to see each other? That afternoon when Nay and Mel were high had made me uncertain of just how Mel felt about my feelings for Luke.
The kitchen had that yeasty bread-baking smell. Ever since her treatment started, Mel had hardly been able to stomach baked goods. But baking had always been what she did when she was anxious or happy or sad, so even though she couldn’t eat much, on days when she wasn’t wiped out from the Big Bad, she was in the kitchen.
That day, she was sitting at the counter, stirring a bowl of something. A bandanna covered most of her head. Mel had never been a skinny woman, and a lump filled my throat when I saw the way her collarbones were starting to protrude.
“Jessi-girl, did you just get here?” she said, stretching her arm out so I could hug her. I clung to her for a minute, then backed away.
One of her eyebrows skirted up, and I could tell that my body language had already alerted her that something was up. So I blurted it out before she could ask, before I could talk myself out of it.
“Something happened with Luke,” I said.
From her lack of reaction, I wasn’t entirely sure she’d heard me. In fact, the next thing she did was to hold out the wooden spoon so I could taste the batter.
I did.
Finally she sighed. “Is that why he’s home this weekend?”
I nodded, horrified, but not surprised that she’d figured us out that quickly.
“Get Luke,” she said. “He’s in his room.”
A few minutes later the three of us sat in the living room. Luke and I sat on opposite sides of the long couch while Mel sat in the middle of the loveseat.
“Okay, so I guess ground rules?” Mel said, puffing out her cheeks and releasing a breath.
I stole a look in Luke’s direction and found he was giving me the same quizzical look.
“No closing the door of your room when you’re alone. Actually, no closing the door of any room,” she said. As if talking to herself, she continued. “You’d think that would be enough of a deterrent, but contrary to popular belief, I actuallywasboth seventeen and eighteen, so I’ll say this too: the most important thing is that you are safe.”
Luke groaned, and I buried my face in my hands.
Mel soldiered on. “I’m serious ... There are lots of urges and all kinds of things ...”
“God, Mom,” Luke said. “All we did was kiss.” He turned to look at me. “What did you tell her?”
I shrugged helplessly.
“Listen, if you can do it, then you sure as hell better be able to talk about it. Any other way is a cop-out, and we’re not doing that.”
“Mel ...” I pleaded.
“I’m only saying this because I love you both and I know you’re smart, but this is one of those Mom things that you only get the chance to do once, and that’s if you’re lucky,” Mel said, suddenly getting choked up. “So I’m not wasting this—one of those opportunities to embarrass you and scar you for the rest of your adult lives.” She dabbed at the corners of her eyes, but she was laughing.
Luke stood up and walked over to her, giving her a side hug. I went to her other side and did the same.
