“I don’t think he’s drinking much anymore, now that school’s back on,” I said. All the times I’d seen him, at least, Ro had seemed sober. Cranky, but sober.
Luke nodded, but he still had a worried crease in the middle of his forehead.
“My dad’s flying out to see me this week,” he said then. “He wants me to show him around the campus and my dorm and everything.”
“Really?” I knew it had been a couple of years since Dr. Cohen had seen Luke or Ro. “Is that ... a good thing?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, on one hand, he’s helped with a lot of Mom’s bills since she’s been sick, so I guess he’s not completely heartless—”
“But?”
“But he still cheated on her. He’s stillhim.”
“I could probably never forgive him,” I admitted now. “If he was my dad.”
Luke looked at me with a thoughtful expression and reached out to brush some hair off my face. “You’ll really ride or die for Mom, won’t you?”
I remembered Ro’s words over the summer, about how Mel’s illness was their business, not mine, and my face warmed.
“It’s not a bad thing,” Luke said gently. “It’s just ... you know, she’s not perfect.”
“I don’t think she is,” I said, though honestly, I couldn’t see any reason why I would ever pick anyone else to be my mother.
“I think she’s part of why I hate Dad,” he said, leaning back against the headrest.
I tried to hide my surprise.
“Maybe she just wanted us to know the truth, but the older I get, the less sure I am. She told us about all the lies, the affairs, the ways he disappointed her even years before those started. I think she needed us to be on her side.”
“Mel would never do that. Not purposely.”
Luke looked at me for several seconds. “Okay,” he said. “Well, intentional or not, it worked, because I can’t stand the guy.”
“I know he sucks,” I said now, “but I think it’s a good thing that he’s making an effort. Some parents don’t even try.”
“We still talking about mine?” he asked.
I shrugged.
“Talk to me,” he said, tracing circles on my kneecap.
“Okay, well, my mom is sick. I get that.”
He nodded.
“But she’s been so adamant about not getting help, and I just think that when you love someone, you’re willing to try to get well for them. Even if I’m not enough of a reason, you’d think that for my dad she’d at least try.”
Luke said nothing, so I kept going. “Also, Dad is always reminding me that she loves me, but everyone knows that the first time things got really bad was right after she had me. How can she love the person responsible for ruining her life?” It was the first time I’d ever allowed myself to say this out loud, though the thought had been there for years, niggling at the back of my mind. How could it not be?
A deep frown was etched between Luke’s eyebrows. “Jessi. You don’t really think that, do you? That you ruined her life?”
I shrugged. “I mean, having me made her sick.”
“Maybe, but maybe not,” he said. “Also, she has all this help available to her, and she won’t take it. That’s not on you. You know that, right?”
I wasn’t sure I believed him, but I nodded.
“Have you ever tried talking to her? Telling her how you feel?”
