“So now that the tents are set up,” Willow tells the camera, “we’re going to go and explore for a bit. There’s supposed to be a river not far off.”
Brett sticks his head into the frame, saying, “I want to go for a swim.”
Willow shakes her head, like he’s crazy. “Is it safe to enter random bodies of water? Let us know in the comments.”
“Hopefully we’re still alive to read them,” Brett says, then laughs at his own joke.
“Actually,” Willow says, turning to Luke again, “Luke’s helpful for a lot of things. He’s also our science guy! Luke, is it safe to enter random bodies of water?”
Willow’s camera follows Luke as he walks over to where I’m sitting and surprises me by pulling me up to my feet. “Depends on a lot of factors,” he says, threading his fingers through mine. Again, I know it is just for show, but my traitorous heart gallops in my chest.
“My hands are all sweaty,” I say, breaking contact with him to wipe my hands on my shorts. It’s just an excuse to get myself under control, to remind my fingers that they are not all nerve endings made to react to one boy’s touch. But I’m kind of hoping I’ve grossed him out enough that he will give up completely on holding hands.
He surprises me yet again by immediately taking my hand and entangling it in his.
My emotions are waging war inside me.
I know he’s feeling confident in the entire act he has going on, but he doesn’t have to be over-the-top affectionate. We could be one of those couples who aren’t into PDA. Is he intentionally trying to remind me what I used to have, what I can never have again? Or is it possible that he’s ... not acting. That he’s actually getting swept up in all this, that he still likes the feel of my hand in his as much as I like the feel of his in mine.
I stare at his profile as the four of us start to walk, but his face gives me no answers.
So I do something incredibly stupid. I decide to go with it, to imagine just for today that Luke really is my boyfriend. That I love him and he loves me. The first part isn’t at all hard to do, but I pretend the second part is true too.
As we walk hand in hand, I let my body relax, let my hips settle close to his as the four of us go exploring through the woods. It feels a little like a dream, being this close to Luke again. I feel happy and peaceful, even though our hands are sticky with sweat and there’s moisture on every inch of my skin.
“Wewouldchoose the hottest day of the year to come camping,” I tell Luke. We’re hanging back as Willow and Brett lead the way, taking footage of our walk and surroundings and the web of trees that form our sky.
“As I’m sure you’ll be reminding me from now until eternity,” Luke says in a low voice that makes tingles spread throughout my body, and I can hear the sound of a smile in his words. “Only some of uschoseto be here.”
As I’m sure you’ll be reminding me from now until eternity.
The wordeternityechoes through my mind, and God, I wish we had that long. If not the me and Luke from last summer, then at least the me and Luke of right this moment. This moment where we’re pretending our mistakes didn’t happen, that nothing is broken between us.
“At least you’re acknowledging that you dragged me here,” I say, playing along.
“I could never make you do anything. That was more my problem.”
I frown up at him, and we stop walking for a second. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t know. I guess they call it being whipped. I would have done anything for you,” he says, so close his lips brush my ear.
When he says those words, I actually hate myself. For having that—a place to belong, the thing I most wanted in the world—and losing it. For havinghimand losing him.
“Lovebirds, you’re falling behind!” Willow says, the camera trained toward us again, and we jump apart like we’ve been caught doing something bad. Behind the camera, Willow grins mischievously at me, but I ignore her.
Luke and I hurry to catch up, and we’ve just reached them when a loud wail cuts through the air.
“What the heck?” Willow says, looking at the rest of us frantically. “Is that a coyote?”
“Nah, babe. It’s some kind of bird,” Brett says, but Willow looks to Luke for confirmation.
“He’s right. Sounds like a bird of some kind.”
Willow resumes walking but gives the rest of us a stern look. “I swear to God, if I get mauled by a coyote, I will come back and haunt whichever of y’all survive.”
The three of us burst out laughing.
“Wills, has anyone told you that you have kind of a dark side?” I ask.
