So I do the next best thing.
***
I corner Amber and Mo the next day after school. Technically, I’m just driving us to Amber’s house, but it’s as long a drive as there is in Sterlingwood, and short of dropping and rolling out of my car, they’re stuck with me. I turn down the K-pop girl band Mo has just introduced us to.
“Noooo,” she cries, bereft. “We were just getting to my solo.”
“Oh, trust me,” I say. “We know.”
Amber giggles, and I clear my throat.
“Hey, when you kiss a guy, let’s call him Bromeo, and he tells you to slow down, what does that mean?” I ask. “Some girl from yearbook was asking earlier.”
I get away with “asking for a friend” because, between dating Jason and track and yearbook and tutoring, a surprising number of people have randomly confided in me the past year. It’s like that weird thing that Mr.Tan calls a parasocial relationship. People feel like they know you, even when they don’t, and it makes them trust you, even if they shouldn’t.
“Was this girl trying to domorethan kiss Bromeo?” Amber asks, as we pull into her driveway. Ambs lives right by the lake in a massive sprawling mansion that only two orthopedic surgeons can afford. We’re supposed to spend the afternoon working on college apps, but I can’t think of anything less appealing.
“No,” I say, then quickly try to make my answer less definite. “I mean, she didn’tsayshe was.”
I turn off the ignition and grab my bag from the back seat.
I haven’t told Amber and Mo about what happened at Jason’s house or about the dream. There’s really no need to. But what’s weird istheyremember me coming back down the stairs on Saturday afternoon. They remember us hanging out after, going to the movies later that night. There is a version of reality that continuedwith me in it, even if I have no recollection of it.
“Maybe Bromeo was saving his first kiss for his wedding day, like on all those tongue-wrestling-virgin videos online,” Amber suggests.
Mo makes a face as she follows us into the house. “Tongue-wrestling?”
“Oh, it’s a whole thing,” Amber says. “It’s this trend where people save their first kiss for their wedding, and it’s horrific. It looks like their mouths are fighting. And I’m not even being mean to virgins. Nobody’s first kiss is good. It’s a scientifically proven fact.”
“I guess we’re just tossing out the wordsciencethese days.” Mo sighs, plopping down on the sofa in the living room and already pulling out her laptop and a million brochures for premed programs. She would fight someone on the sanctity of science.
Amber pokes her tongue out in response to Mo’s comment.
“I don’t think it was Bromeo’s first kiss. Justtheirfirst kiss,” I say.
“But did Bromeo kiss her back?” Amber asks, truly getting into this.
“Yes,” I say.
“Maybe yes, or definitely yes?”
“Definitely yes.”
“Then maybe he didn’t want to be in a relationship. Not everybody is built to be in a relationship,” Mo says. “Maybe he just wanted to hook up.”
I frown because that doesn’t seem right either. I’ll admit that, at first, it was a little odd that after going to the same schools all our lives and barely acknowledging each other’s presence, the most popular guy in Sterlingwood would suddenly start paying attention to me. Mo was immediately suspicious, and even Amber, whose middle name is Supportive, took a moment to warm to the idea. But from the moment we started talking one day in study hall last fall, Jason could not have been more straightforward about his intentions. From following me on socials to constantly texting, Jason never hid the fact that he was interested in me. He definitely wanted more than just a hookup.
Amber heads to the kitchen where she’s trying out a recipe I found for the internet’s Best Mini-Sandwich. More than happy to put off thinking about apps for just a little longer, I follow her.
“I don’t think that’s it,” I say loudly so Mo and Amber can both still hear. I pull out plates as Amber starts to cut up vegetables.
“You know, some guys can be old-fashioned about making the first move,” Amber says. “Even feminists.”
“You think so?” I ask. “But Jay…I mean,theywould just say so, wouldn’t they? If they wanted to make the first move?”
“Not always,” Ambs says. “That’s why you never want to be too forward in a new relationship.”
It doesn’t surprise me that Amber has strict rules, being the romantic she is, but I am kind of stunned that this is one of them.
