I open my mouth right as Amber squeals.
“Oh my God, hedid, didn’t he?” She grabs for my hand. “Where’s the ring?”
“In…his car.” The lie tumbles out without me thinking. I am a storyteller, my father’s daughter.
Amber’s face twists in horror. “No! You lost it in the wreck?”
The muscles of my neck feel bunched, sore, and tight. “It’s crazy, right?” I say, half-hearted.
“That sucks so much,” she says, starting to tear up like she’s the one who has lost something precious. “I’m so sorry, Zadie. You have to tell the police.”
I nod, knowing full well that I will do no such thing.
I’m only too relieved to step forward and speak to the unit clerk when we reach the ICU. “Can we see Jason Riddick?”
Amber taps my shoulder. “Um, is it okay if I don’t…” She looks as white as a sheet of paper. Mo’s thing is surgery and diagnosesand obscure medical facts. Amber can hardly look at a scratch. “I just…If there’s blood…”
“Oh.”
I don’t want to see Jason by myself because I don’t know how I’ll cope if he’s swollen or unrecognizable.
I almost say we should forget the whole thing and just go home, but despite being the sweetest human, Amber has zero discretion. Everyone will know by tomorrow morning if I couldn’t hack seeing Jason sick. Besides, I’m suddenly overwhelmed by this need to protect Jason if he does look bad. I should get to see him first. I should make sure what people hear about him is flattering and honest and fair.
“I’ll be right back.” I leave Amber and follow the nurse down the hall.
My heartbeat quickens as she opens his door. The beeps of a dozen machines should sound like hope, but they make the hairs on my arms stand up. I slowly shuffle forward.
A huge breath escapes my lungs when I see him. Minus a wide bandage around his head, some bruises and cuts on his face, and an elevated leg in a cast, he still looks mostly like himself. Like the strong and handsome Jason I know. He looks like he’s sleeping.
“How is he?” I ask the nurse, suddenly on the verge of tears. I don’t know if it’s relief or exhaustion or both.
“He’s stable. That’s the most important thing. Feel free to talk to him. We have every reason to believe he can hear.”
The thought makes a chill run over my skin, like stones skipping on water. “Really? He can hear us?”
“Oh, yeah,” she assures me. “Now, you have a job to do: Tell himall the reasons he should hurry back. Tell him you’re waiting for him, and it’s rude to keep a lady waiting.”
For the first time in what feels like forever, a small smile tugs at my lips.
The nurse pats my shoulder. “Let me give you two some privacy.”
When she shuts the door, I stand staring at Jason.
I’m not sure what to do. It’s bad enough he’s fighting for his life, but now I don’t even know if he would want me to be here.
Still, I force myself over to the side of Jason’s bed and take his hand.
It feels stiff and big and unfamiliar. I squeeze.
“You’re going to get better, okay?” I tell him, more demand than request. “You’re going to play this season and go to college and do everything you’ve ever wanted.”
Even as I say this, I’m staring at his broken leg and wondering if my words are possible. What if he never wakes up again? What if he never gets to do any of the things he always talked about—playing for his dream school, making the national team, playing for an international club?
A new feeling stretches over me: guilt.
If we hadn’t been fighting, he might not have been so distracted. If I hadn’t thrown up. If I’d handled the breakup better.
I hoist myself up into his bed and slowly tuck myself into his side, careful not to dislodge or break anything. “I’m so sorry, Jay,” I tell him, holding his hand again.
