“Oh my God,” I say. “Marcus, that’s…”
He’s not laughing and downplaying it at all.
“How are you?” I ask.
“Devastated,” he says. “It’s stupid, but it has taken me a long time to realize how much I love it.”
Marcus looks at me. “I’m going to try to get better. Try to keep playing.”
I’m so happy he’s not giving up. “I bet with physical therapy and the right doctors…” Then something occurs to me. “Why were you even there that night? Why were you in the accident?”
Marcus rubs his neck. “To see you.”
I’m confused, but I wait for him to go on.
“I know about the breakup,” he tells me, which, of course he does.
“You overheard me in the hospital bathroom the night of the accident.”
“No,” Marcus says slowly, “Jason told me. And we got into it…physically.” He seems embarrassed about this fact.
That’s what the fight was about? That Marcus knew Jason wanted to dump me? “That’show you knew he dumped me? You didn’t hear it in the bathroom?”
Marcus frowns. “What bathroom?” I’m silent as I try to understand everything that is happening. “No, he told me straight out that he was going to break up with you. So I hit him.”
“But why?” I ask now.
“Because he was being so…so fucking careless with your heart,” Marcus says, and his voice is angry and quiet. “And thenthat night, I was at Harrison Smith’s party, and there was this rumor that Jason was planning some epic surprise for you for your one-year anniversary.”
He swallows. “Obviously I knew there was no surprise,” he says. “Not a good one, anyway. And I knew you’d…I knew he was going to break your heart, and I just wanted…I don’t even know what I thought I’d do. At the very least I’d give you a hug or a ride home or…something. I knew he wouldn’t have thought anything of doing it in public or someplace where it would be less awful for you. I know it matters to you that things are…perfect.”
At this point, there’s just so much Marcus is saying that I’m struggling to comprehend.
He sighs. “Jay can be such a tool.”
“So you drove to Apollo’s to…what, save me?” I don’t know why the thought fills me with both embarrassment and anger.
Marcus curses. “No, not save you. I mean, I…I wasn’t thinking.”
He pushes his hand through his hair. “I got there too late, of course. Jason’s car was driving out as I was driving into the parking lot. I turned around and immediately started to head back to Sterlingwood too, a car behind him. Next thing I know, someone had rammed into me from behind. A truck. And then I woke up in hospital two days before you did.”
“Two days,” I repeat numbly. He really thinks our friends and family are right. Meaning our recollection is entirely wrong.
“My foot was broken. Doctor’s telling me they did a couple of surgeries and need to do another, that I had a head injury too.”
I reach out for him, reach for his hands in his lap.
“Zadie, I don’t want you to feel sorry for me,” Marcus says, notreacting to the fact that we are holding hands. “But they don’t have any reason to lie.”
I’m stunned into silence.
“So what, we just imagined the whole thing? All that time? All the dreams?”
“What dreams?” Marcus says blankly.
“Our dreams,” I say. When he looks at me like that, I stop breathing. “The co-dreams. The memories we went into,” I say, still trying to be calm at this point.
Marcus says nothing, and now my pitch has started to escalate with increasing desperation. “Our dreams, Marcus. All the memories of the past year. Most of them were my and Jason’s memories, but we saw some of yours too. And we talked, and nobody could see us…”
