“You don’t think that when someone has an accent, it might be the first thing anyone ever asks them about? It gets old. It’s problematic, when you get down to it. And sure doesn’t make a guy feel great, like you’d rather be on a date with his brother just because his accent’s stronger.”
“I wish Iwason a date with your brother,” I said. Anything had to be better than this.
“Eamonn’s a waste,” he said. “And even he wouldn’t waste his time. He’s also too young for you.”
We just stared at each other then, like we’d both suddenly realized how mean the last five minutes had gotten out of nowhere. No, that wasn’t it.He’dgotten mean but I doubted he saw himself that way. Meanwhile, I was torn between wanting to apologize for that one jab about dating his brother and wanting to say,Actually, I’m not sorry if I do insult you. I was also mentally sorting through the few messages we’d exchanged before agreeing to meet up, trying to figure out if I should’ve been able to guess that Niall with the green grass picture would be this much of an asshole. His responses had been delayed sometimes, even when we’d just been going back and forth a few seconds before. I’d told myself it could be organic—people had lives! They got pulled away from their phones!—but I’d suspected he was playing games. But even that hadn’t struck me as too big a red flag. It seemed like everyone played games. Maybe my only problem was that I wasn’t better at them myself.
The server approached the table with steaming plates then, putting one in front of each of us. “Two panang curries,” she said. “Need anything else?”
I knew the question was just about refills, extra napkins, something on the side, but still it reminded me that whatever it was I needed, this date was the last place I was going to get it. The sad part was that I wanted to walk out but knew I was going to stay, because if nothing else I was starving and the food was hot and in front of me. If I ate fast, we’d barely have to talk.
But we were only unwrapping our silverware when Niall said, “That was a compliment to your figure earlier, you know.”
If I had to hear this man sayyour figureone more time, I might never have an appetite again. “Thank you,” I said, knowing that if he didn’t like self-deprecating humor he really wouldn’t like my sarcasm, but also that he hadn’t seemed to clock it thus far.
“I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea.”
The curry was so bland it was almost a culinary feat. It should be studied, how to take a savory meal and somehow strip it of all its distinctive flavors.
“At this point, Niall,” I said, loading up another forkful of the underwhelming food, “I’m not looking to have any ideas at all.”
Two
As soon as the datewas over, I texted my best friend, Marisol, a picture of the $8.99 Botox sign with a message:in case you’re still wondering what to get me for my birthday.
Her response came in fast, and immediately put a smile on my face.Ha!she said.Wish I’d known about that deal before I blew all my money on the place down the block.
THANK YOUI typed back, even though she’d have no clue what I was thanking her for, or why the all caps. Mari and I had met a decade earlier, when our now-exes had introduced us at a mutual friend’s housewarming party. I’d been with that ex for six years, and Mari still liked to say that connecting us was the only useful thing he’d ever bothered to do.
The three dots that showed Mari was typing bounced in the message box, disappearing briefly before her next text came in.Didn’t you have a date tonight?
When I called her, she picked up right away, even though I could tell from her voice that she must still be at work.
“I’m sorry,” I said. Her nursing shifts were extremely regular and consistent, and yet because they were at such different hours from my own nine-to-five I had a hard time remembering exactly when they were. “I can tell you tomorrow.”
“No, no, I’m on break,” she said. “Was it good? If you’re calling me now it must not have been good.”
Niall and I had managed to get through the rest of the meal only by focusing on our food and otherwise ignoring each other. But then after we’d paid—separate checks, of course, not that he’d offered anything else but I wasnotabout to risk him thinking I owed him in any way—he’d leaned over, giving me the first smile I’d seen out of him all night.
You know,he’d said.I live just around the corner from here.
I couldn’t help but think again of the forty-five minutes I’d spent in traffic, the fact that I’d had to park all the way at the other end of the complex, next to a dumpster behind one of those we’ll-fix-your-phone stores, because it was the only open space I could find on a Friday night. When Niall had gone in for a kiss, I’d stepped off the curb to make it look like I was already heading to my car. He must’ve read the vibe enough, because he hadn’t offered to walk me to it.
“Are my standards too high?” I said to Mari now. “Like, am I living in a dream world?”
“I doubt it,” she said wryly. “What are your standards?”
I flashed back through the worst moments of this night, but they were almost too depressing to say out loud.That my datedoesn’t compare my dress to a bagwas just too bleak, not on my birthday.
“You know,” I said. “The usual. He’s kind, supportive, good to talk to. It doesn’t even matter what we do together, we just enjoy each other’s company.”
There was a florist in the strip of shops I had to pass to get to my car, and I slowed in front of the window. The shop had been closed for hours and was completely dark inside, only the outline of plants visible through the glass that reflected more of myself back to me than anything else. The shadows muted the color of my dress, highlighted the silhouette of it instead, and suddenly itfeltlike an old closet standby instead of an effortlessly sexy choice. It only now occurred to me that any dress you took from work to date night without even performing some fashion sleight of hand—pair it with a blazer! Take the blazer off! Trade flats for heels! Add statement earrings!—had to be a bad sign. I’d left my cardigan from work in the car only because it was already warm, even for mid-March, and my plain black flats were the same ones I wore every single day because they went with everything.
“Enjoy each other’s company?” Mari repeated. “You don’t have to get euphemistic with me, girl, just admit you want great sex.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Sure. That, too. He should be good in bed and also makemefeel like I’m amazing in bed.”
“It doesn’t have to be a bed,” Mari pointed out. “But you act like those are two separate things and I don’t think they are.”
