“Your voice, a passing car, the ocean.” I can sense the waves of panic receding. It’s not gone, but it’s relenting just enough for me to gasp for air.
“Excellent. Two things you can smell?”
“Honeysuckles again, grass.”
“And finally, one thing you can taste?”
Regret, I want to say. “Coffee from breakfast.”
“Wonderful. How do you feel now?”
I open my eyes and look at Thomas’s face, his expression expectant and concerned. “I feel better,” I admit. “Thank you.”
I know the grounding technique he walked me through is called the 5-4-3-2-1 method—Rose taught me it when I first told her about the panic attacks—but I’ve never been able to successfully use it before. Thomas was the one to break through.
“Good,” he says. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”
The attack has mostly dispersed, but I’m left with a trembling exhaustion afterward like a fever has just broken. I shake my head.
“When did you learn that?” I ask him instead.
“After my wife died, I started having some panic attacks.” He looks at the grass when he speaks. “I went to a therapist and they helped me through it.”
“Thank you,” I say again, because as we both know,I’m sorryisn’t enough. “Would you tell me about her?” He looks up, surprised. “I mean, only if you’re comfortable with it.”
A smile crosses his face. Somehow, it still looks tired. “She was amazing,” he says. “She was passionate, loving, and had the best laugh.” His smile spreads, becomes more genuine. “She always carried around extra Band-Aids or protein bars or candy. I swear her purse was the biggest thing I ever saw. She always made sure to have extra items on hand in case anyone needed anything. I used to call it her Mary Poppins bag, because it seemed to defy the laws of the universe.”
Thomas laughs, and I do, too. It’s hard not to be in awe of this woman he’s described. I can see the full spectrum of the loss on his face.
“She was also an artist like you,” he says. “She made these really cool ceramics. Our house back home is covered in them. She was also stubborn. A complete know-it-all.” He laughs again. “I refused to be anywhere near her whenJeopardy!came on. Plus, she had a wicked temper.” Thomas sighs. “I miss her every day.”
We sit in silence for a few moments.
“I’m sorry,” I say, because even though I know it isn’t enough, it’s the truth. I’m so sorry for his loss.
“Thank you,” Thomas says. “I miss my kids, too. I’m hoping they’ll come visit at the end of the summer.”
“At the cottage?” I suppose they could sleep on the couch, but the guest side is pretty small as it is.
“I’ve actually been looking at property here,” he says. “I’ve been going to some open houses. If possible, I’d love to buy a place, and of course, give you two some privacy.”
“Oh.” I’m surprised. “I thought after the wedding you would want to leave the island altogether, not find a more permanent residence.”
“I’m sorry about that outburst, by the way,” he says, nodding in my direction. “It was unlike me.”
“Don’t be sorry. It was my fault for meddling. Does that mean you’re feeling better about my mom?”
Thomas shifts on the bench, leaning back. “I don’t know. Being back here made me realize how much I miss this place. Plus, I’ve been meeting with my partner from my old company. He has a house in Madaket, so we’ve been spending a lot of time together, dreaming up what might be another idea.”
Once again, I’m taken aback. “I had no idea you were meeting with your business partner while you’re here.”
He eyes me teasingly. “You thought I was just loitering around your mom’s property, waiting around to take relationship advice from a twenty-something-year-old?”
My cheeks burn. When he says it aloud, I realize how ridiculous my idea of him has been. Thomas smiles, and the expression has a warming effect. My mind flashes to the image of the captain’s portrait in my closet.
“Tommy?” I hear from the direction of the cottage.
Thomas stands up immediately, looking flustered. “Hello,” he says to Rose, smoothing down his shirt. She’s standing in the doorway of our side of the cottage, her straw purse by her side and sunglasses blocking her eyes.
