Adam reaches for me, but I step back and cross my arms. Adam’s teeth rake over his bottom lip. He doesn’t reach for me again. Instead, his fingers curl into a fist that he presses against his own thigh.
“Eleanor, please. I should have. I’m sorry. I just didn’t think it would help, at that point.”
“You didn’t think it would be helpful for me to know that I literally never stood a chance?”
“That’s not true.” He gestures behind him, in the vague direction of where we left the band. “Freddie wanted to take other meetings, but obviously they aren’t all on the same page.”
It’s a fair point. But it doesn’t make me feel any better, because now the whole thing seems doomed for a different reason. The band is fighting. No matter which of us they sign with, we’ll know it wasn’t a unanimous decision. That someone in the group is pissed off about it. I’m not all that psyched about the prospect of working with Freddie Dempsey when he’s obviously opposed to working with me.
“I feel like I made an idiot of myself.” My voice is brittle. I’ve held it together pretty well today. But I think about the look on Freddie’s face when I walked into the brewery, and Ifeel pathetic, and humiliated, and the press of tears grows hot behind my eyes.
Adam sighs through his nose. “You did not make an idiot of yourself.”
I scoff wetly, and suddenly Adam is right in front of me, catching my chin with firm fingers and forcing me to meet his gaze. “You didn’t. And I’m sorry I wasn’t more forthcoming with you.” His touch gentles even more, thumb swiping along my jaw. “I won’t make that mistake again, I promise.”
Adam’s brows are knit close together, his mouth in a miserable line. He looks like he regrets his entire existence in this moment, all because it eventually led to upsetting me. I’m finding it pretty impossible to stay angry with someone who looks so wrecked, especially knowing it was never his intention to hurt me.
I believe him when he says he won’t withhold information from me again. It’s just—Billy. Adam has had a decades-long history with the man, and it’s clear he’s filled some sort of hole in Adam’s life left behind by Atlas. I understand that. But I can’t pretend it doesn’t bother me, this loyalty Adam has toward someone who has very publicly said some very unforgivable shit in the past. Who prioritizes his own success over basic professional decency.
Never mind Billy’s friendship with Griffin. Considering how many mutual acquaintances we have, it wasn’t the easiest thing to distance myself from Griffin. But I did my best to evict him from every corner of my life, and I don’t love the idea of inviting a connection to him back in—even if it is several degrees removed. I can only imagine the kinds of things Griffin would have to say if he found out I was seeing Adam. Things Billy probably wouldn’t hesitate to pass right along toAdam, thinking he was doing him a favor. I let Griffin damage my relationship with Iris and my friendship with Tyler before. I don’t want him tainting this too.
My jaw is sore from clenching my teeth so hard. From biting back so many ugly emotions. Adam’s hand falls away from me. He frowns, gaze flickering around my face like my uncertainty is written all over me.
I’m searching for a way to voice my concerns without making it sound like some kind of ultimatum, but I’m distracted when Fiona walks into the room.
“Eleanor, there you are.” She offers me a tired smile. “Could you come with me, please? Sheridan would like a word.”
I nod numbly. She steps into the hall again, but I hang back long enough to send a bemused look Adam’s way. He smiles, so reassuring andproud, and it makes me flustered, makes me want to cover his mouth with my palm. It’s only Sheridan—not the whole group. We don’t even know what she wants yet.
Adam leans in, slow, like he thinks I’ll pull away again. He presses a kiss to my temple, and my eyes close as he whispers one last piece of encouragement in my ear: “You got this.”
CHAPTER TWENTYADAM
Alone in the greenroom, I’m not sure what to do with myself. Whether I should wait right here for Eleanor to come back, or go check if the rest of the band is still fighting, or maybe find Jane and see if she knows what kind of food they’ll serve at the wrap party.
If they’re even having the wrap party anymore.
I drag both hands down my face, scrubbing my palms against my scruff, and snag one of the bottles of water lined up on a nearby table. I sit down on the couch across the room and take a drink, then fiddle with the cap for a few seconds.
Nervous energy twists through me, and it has very little to do with the band. I’m glad Eleanor is talking to Sheridan, and I genuinely hope it’s good news for her. Eleanor needs this deal more than I do. She deserves it more too. They’d be stupid to go with anyone else, me included. But I do wish Fiona had come by a few minutes later. Given me enough time to figure out what was going through Eleanor’s head.
Something changed when she found out about Freddie and Billy. It’s not just that she was pissed—Eleanor had every right to be upset with me, and I deserved a dressing-down. But it wasn’t anger I read on her face before Fiona walked in. It was doubt. Like she was second-guessing starting something with me, trusting me, all of it.
I blow out a breath and lean forward to brace my elbows on my knees and hang my head.
Which is how Freddie finds me a moment later.
He sweeps into the room and collapses onto the couch next to me with a groan. “What a shit show, huh?”
No response to that seems particularly safe, so I lift my head and simply nod.
He stares up at the ceiling for a beat, then pushes himself forward to mirror my posture. “Anyway, this isn’t how I wanted to do this, but whatever. We want to sign with you, man.”
Ah, fuck.
A dozen competing emotions hit me at once, all of them tangled together and lodged behind my sternum. “… The whole band is on board with that decision?”
Freddie’s face scrunches up in an irritated way. “Wasn’texactlyunanimous. I don’t know what’s going on with Sher tonight, but she’ll come around. I can talk her around.”
