He’s creating his own campaign.Itwascorny. She didn’t care. “It’s perfect,” she said. She leaned into him for a hug. His body felt so good, smelled so good. His arousal grazed her thigh.
Evelyn jumped back. “Trevor, you’re not wearing underwear.”
He swiveled his hips with a guffaw. His skirt flurried up. “I thought it would be cool to hang loose. Shit, feels sweet to let my bitties be free, should’ve done this sooner. Plus it’s easier to get down to business more quickly… if you like.”
“Oh, Trevor.” Evelyn leaned in, wrapped her arms around him for another embrace, for a kiss. It was heaven to savor his lips, to feel him close. To experience the magnetism of his gleaming body… to let everything pull her in, entice. The promise of losing herself once again, right there on the horizon.
“I missed you,” he whispered.
“Me too, very much. I didn’t hear from you yesterday.” She hated sounding desperate. “I wasn’t sure…”
“Yeah, I know. I can explain. Um, gimme a sec—let me set this down.”
Trevor stepped back, kicked off his winged sneakers and ankle socks, and walked over to her bed, where he gently placed down the garment bag. He came closer. “I’m sorry. I… What we did earlier this week…” He peered into Evelyn’s eyes.
“It was too much, I know,” Evelyn said. “Something’s been going on with me. It’s hard to explain, but Iwantto explain.”
“No, no… it wasn’t too much. Evie, what we did, how we got down, it was wonderful. I mean, yeah, it was wild… but sometimes, maybe it’s okay to be out of control? I’ve never been with a woman like you. I mean, you wear a brother out.” He looked down, held her hands. “But it wasn’t too much. I didn’t reach out to you yesterday, because… because I got scared.”
“What? Why? Because… everything was too intense.”
“Evelyn, I’ve been into you since we first met. I could kind of tell you were guarded. Definitely could tell you were talking to other dudes, or maybe had your eye on another dude. So… I thought, ‘Play it cool, Trev.’ But I really just wanted to lay it on the line, let you know how much I dig you. I’m sometimes not comfortable when it comes to keeping it real. My therapist has been telling me I need to work on it, showing up authentically in relationships.”
My therapist…Evelyn tried to maintain her focus even though she’djust heard the words that millions of Black women across the country hoped against hope that a dude they were seeing would utter. A sort of euphoria took over her body. She wanted to swoop in for yet another kiss, though she forced herself to be still.
“You’re… in therapy.”
Trevor lowered his voice, as if regretting what had spilled from his lips. “Yeah, um… I’m in therapy. Started after I last saw you. My ex ended things because she said I didn’t know how to show up as my authentic self. Something was off when she and I were together. I just… sometimes felt down, like I couldn’t keep things real about what I dig, what I want.” He stared at the floor and gently squeezed Evelyn’s hands.
“There’s stuff… yeah, some family stuff, with my parents,” he said, and raised his eyes. “About the type of man I should be. About how men should be in general. Been dealing with their garbage about work and life for a minute, even back when I was at Morgan State. Moms and Pops would love if I dropped podcasting and went into finance or government, but that’s not me. Their shitdefinitelyaffects how I show up in relationships. I’m not stupid, I know intellectually how these things work, but it’s… it’s hard. Just came a time when I realized I needed help.”
Evelyn studied Trevor’s solemn face, their hands still entwined. “Do you feel comfortable being yourself… when you’re with me?”
“Evie, I’ve been trying to be myself since we first met. I don’t know, when we were hanging, I thought maybe you were searching for something, more into a certain type of dude. I do okay when it comes to meeting women… I mean, I like to get down…”
He smirked. Oh, her Trevor…
“But with you, I thought maybe there’s something here. When I saw how you created this badass ad-exec life for yourself, I figured, ‘Okay, she’s gonna be aiming for a superslick corporate dude, mid six figures minimum. A soft life.’ So I was like, ‘Step back, Trev.’ For me to earn that typeof dough in public radio, I would have to work… my…assoff. But something about you, Evie, about your vibe, your spirit… I still felt like I had to give it a shot, try to pursue.”
He opened his palms. “If you chose someone else, fine. Wasn’t meant to be, but at least I was showing up. I told my therapist about you. He said he was proud that I was brave.”
“Oh, Trev, I’m so not a badass,” Evelyn said as the specter of Kent flashed through her mind. She couldn’t bring herself to reveal just how right he was in terms of who she’d chosen to get with. “I don’t have a job anymore. Mtume fired me.”
“Whoooaaaa… What the fuck? What happened?! They love you.”
“That impromptu vacation I took wasveryimpromptu, wasn’t approved by my boss. It’s never a good look to ignore messages when your employer is used to you being at their beck and call twenty-four seven. I gave that place my life. And it was the type of place that just kept taking and taking. But it’s fine… I think. I may be totally blacklisted, probably won’t be able to find advertising work for a while.”
“It’s a Black agency,” Trevor said. “You wanted to hang in there, right? Hard to abandon our people.”
“Yeah, but there’s a difference between someplace like Howard U’s down-for-our-history-and-the-community vibe and Bad Boy’s slowly-kill-your-soul-and-leave-you-a-fucked-up-mess vibe.Bigdifference. I’m relieved I don’t have to go to that place anymore. To be honest, when it comes to work… I don’t know what I want.” The first time she’d admitted such a thing to anyone.
“There was a man there who was totally the corporate-exec type you just mentioned,” she continued. The truth, a sweet release. She felt inspired by Trevor’s bravery. “I don’t even want to say his name. We were seeing each other, and honestly, it was so horrible. I… I haven’t dated a lot, but I knew just a few weeks in, deep down in my soul, that something waswrong. That it wasn’t what being in a caring relationship was supposed to feel like. It felt horrible… but I couldn’t stop, because I had everything I wanted. Supposedly.”
Her words came out slowly, haltingly. Shame consumed her face and neck, left her flushed. Her shoulders began to shake. Trevor took her hands again and drew closer.
“Evie… baby…”
“I’m so embarrassed,” she said, waterworks on full display as she tried not to blubber. “That man… his name’s Kent… stupid, motherfuckin’ Kent… He’s so dumb, and lazy, andempty. Totally about appearances, having a certain type of lifestyle. Doing the bare minimum when it comes to his job. And that’s what he got from me, someone to step in, do the work he thought he didn’t need to do because it required too much brainpower. I knew he was using me. I knew it. Oh God.” She struggled to speak. “I thought… someone like me, I couldn’t do better. I’m just… It’s mortifying.”
