“Go back to your chambers?” Soren peered down the hall as if what I had to say didn’t shock him. “I was certain you would. Lord Fyn can walk you back. I have no desire to.”
His words fueled the rage that stirred within me.
Fyn and I left him before he had the chance to change his mind. Neither of us said a word to each other until we passed the metal arch that framed the end of our corridor.
“I truly thought it was my choice—I thought I was in control of my future.” That I could finally stop running from everything I was afraid to feel—that I could let it all go and choose Fyn.
“I could kill him and your brother,” Fyn muttered under his breath.
“That’s probably why Soren took my sword.” I brushed the tear that clung under my eye before more could form. I didn’t want to say what I was thinking. Maybe he was thinking it too.
“He took your sword? I thought you didn’t tell him about it.”
“I lied.” A heavy exhale escaped me. “He doesn’t like it. Eva said he stored it somewhere safe. Probably so I wouldn’t...”
Fyn tilted his head at the closest guard. It was the onlyreminder I needed to not say the rest. He waited until we came closer to my chambers. “I couldn’t do anything to protect you.” His words wavered. “I came to protect you. To?—”
“Nothing could have been done to stop them.” I wanted to believe there was another reality—another way the pain wouldn’t swallow me whole. “I am the property of Bailoc—soon to be the property of Estlen.”
“You are not property.” He inched closer, stopping when I could feel his breath on me. “No one can own you.”
“We should have left last night.” I wanted to leave with him still.
“I will live every day hating myself for it if there isn’t another way.” He tugged at the leather belt that crossed over his chest, pulling it away from him. “I will write to Lioran and inform him of what’s been done.”
“Please. Don’t pretend there is anything to be done about it.” I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. “You heard King Harlan.”
“When Aelira and Lioran hear the news they will be outraged?—”
“Write Lioran if you must, but spare Aelira of it. I will write to her eventually, just not now—not like this.” My sister would be devastated that she wasn’t able to stop it. She felt everything more deeply than I ever could. I needed to carry this alone.
“Ashlyn—”
“Enough damage has already been done. It is final. I wish I could tell you it isn’t. That…” I couldn’t say the rest. No one needed to walk by and hear the plan that we both knew.
Only my heart needed to break. “Promise me you’ll return to Nythrel and build the life you wish. That it will be a happy one—full of bacon meat pies and laughter.” Theeven tone my voice kept wouldn’t betray the way I was breaking.
“I won’t promise that.” He looked down at me.
I would never let him go.
“Lord Fyn,” Lord Remus called to him from down the hall.
I slipped into my chambers quietly as Fyn turned toward him.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
ASHLYN
Islammed my hands repeatedly into the wall until they quaked.
No one came to see why.
My sister would have caught me as I wept. She would have tried to find the words to say to offer comfort.
But there was no one. I stared up at the swirled design in the ceiling. Every decision solidified this future. Now there was no hope of another.
There never would be.
