* * *
When I walked back outside, the atmosphere had already turned raucous. The first rounds of wine were being passed around, along with meat, cheese, and fruits. Cheery sounds erupted from the courtyard, from the gardens where games were played, and from the city streets beyond the temple walls.
I went straight for the wine to take the edge off of the stressful day. I happily drained and refilled a glass, then made my way through the crowd to look for some entertainment. This was one of the only times I would see most people in this setting, so I wanted to soak up as much gossip as I could concerning life beyond the temple gates.
First I drifted toward the food and took my time picking out some bread and meat so as to hear the conversations of the merchants. This was regrettably tame, so I moved on to the dancers. They swayed along to the sound of a harp plucked by Leon, the same young musician who had performed the morning’s ceremonial flute. As I ate, I scanned the dancers and noted which couples had changed since last time; then, I closelywatched their expressions and made a guess as to which would last until autumn. It wasn’t looking great for some of these men. A good number of ladies were watching Leon more often than their dates.
I smiled and relaxed into my favorite part of the festivities: an evening of observing unrestrained emotion. Anyone not properly intoxicated would be shamed into compliance, which meant that everyone who wasn’t fun had already gone inside.
Alex caught my eye as she emerged from the crowd, holding her own glass of wine. “You are absolutely ravishing, my dear,” she said. She was one to talk. The elaborate ritual outfit suited her beautiful form perfectly.
“And you. Great swing, too,” I added, and she nodded in agreement.
“I think it went pretty well, yeah? Spot on this year, sis, and now we get to party! Unless, of course, you plan to sneak away again.” Her lips curved into a teasing smirk.
I chuckled. “No, not tonight.”
“Good. Then you’re all mine! Let’s get some more wine, and then I’ve got something for you.” She pranced away in the direction of the booze.
“Alright,” I agreed curiously. We stopped to refill our glasses, and then I followed Alex down the garden path, past the athletes on the lawn. Staying in view of the courtyard lights, we found a seat together in seclusion and watched the party from a distance. As we settled, she glanced around furtively to make sure we were alone.
“I stole something for you,” she revealed with a naughty smirk. She held out a small white cloth pouch fastened with a button. I took it from her, frowning as I inspected the contents. Inside were many small pieces of gnarled black root, which did nothing to help my understanding. What sort of weird herbs did she think I needed? Except for…
“Shit, Alex, I…I don’t needbirth control,” I stuttered. “Gods, what do you think I’ve been doing?”
She raised her eyebrows in a disbelieving challenge, and of course my reddening face added to her point. “I’m really not!” I protested.
“Yeah, yeah, I know how this works,” she retorted smartly. “Remember my time with Ronnie? You’ve got to start eating thisnow. Seriously, put it in your mouth. I don’t want an accident to get you executed.” She reached into the bag and practically force-fed me one of the twisty roots. It released a strong bitter flavor as I bit down, and I quickly elected to get it over with by swallowing it whole.
“There, see! It’s not so bad,” she said, satisfied. “While I might not know exactly what’s going on, Idoknow the faces you’ve been making. So just put us both at ease and eat them, okay?” She was giving me a piercing stare that I knew could never be refused.
I sighed despondently. “Is it really that obvious?”Please, no.
She gave me a knowing look and sighed sympathetically. “Sweetie, yes.”
Fuck.He could probably tell how I felt, too. Why did my face have to be so stupid, always betraying me like this? I dropped my head into my hands and groaned in frustration.
But Alex pried my fingers away and roughly tilted my chin back up. “Hey, what’s the matter? Why are you putting yourself down? Stop it.” She slapped my shoulder for good measure. “It’s okay to have feelings, you know.”
“No, it’s not!” I protested. “It’s dangerous and foolish and it probably wouldn’t work out anyway. I need to burn this out of my mind before I make things even worse for myself.” I shook my head. How could I possibly explain my absolute mess of emotions?
Alex was having none of it, though. “Stop making excuses. You know just as well as I do that these feelings aren’t something to be ashamed of, despite what is forbidden from us. We’ve read enough to know that the rules which bind us are just another twisted part of a game of power, rather than any ordinance from the gods. And you know that you deserve happiness, whatever that means for you. So just fucking take it.”
Take your chances to be happy. Wasn’t that what Thanatos had said? Be yourself, and don’t leave life with any regrets? Fine, I supposed I couldn’t argue with that. But there was one other problem with this foolishness. The one that really mattered.
“I…he’s too good for me, Alex,” I confessed. “He wouldn’t want to be with me. Not someone like that.”
She snorted, skepticism written on her face, and downed another gulp of wine. “Cyrie, he’d have to be a literal god to be prettier than you,” she said shortly. Her words slurred together adorably as she complimented me.
I swallowed. “Well…he is,” I countered. “Prettier than me, I mean. I don’t know. I’ve never done this before and I honestly have no idea what’s going on or what I should do.” I followed her example and finished my glass. That gave me a little more courage.
“Well, do you want him?” she asked matter-of-factly.
The question took me by surprise, and I couldn’t help but blush harder. “Alex, I haven’t even kissed him.”
“Do you?”
“…Yes.” It came out as a pained sigh.
