Before he could respond, I heard Sophie’s voice from beyond my curtain. “It’s really fine, Cyrie,” she mumbled from the direction of her bed. “Sleep it off.”
“Right. Okay,” I answered. I pressed my lips together, admonishing myself for my mistake while wringing my hands. Sophie said nothing more.
Thanatos looked over his shoulder. “Hush, my love,” he said. “My reaction was involuntary. It is alright. You can…you can touch them.”
I tilted my head, probing with silent questions—the most prominent among them being whether he was sure. I hadn’t even recognized that I’d never touched his wings in earnest before. I would have thought I’d explored every part of him during our forays, but looking back, I supposed I had treated them more as a haunting showcase of his power than as a potential erogenous zone. It seemed that I’d been correct to do so.
“Go on,” Thanatos encouraged quietly. “Touch me, and I will tell you why I hesitated.”
I obeyed and reached out timidly to stroke his feathers again. His wings boasted a surprising amount of musculature, particularly surrounding the places where their bones joined to his back, where smaller feathers transitioned to smooth skin under the cutouts in his shirt. I dipped my hands beneath the linen and stroked outwards again, from skin to feathers, and I felt the tension in his muscles ease as I continued to caress him.
Thanatos tilted his head back, relaxing once more in my care. I moved my hands outward to give his longer feathers attention as I waited for him to speak. He stretched out the area to allow me better access, setting off a mesmerizing ripple of movement and a fleeting arc of violet light. My heartbeat accelerated at the reminder of what I now touched. These feathers were sacred. I scratched delicately through them, and my patience was rewarded when Thanatos looked over his shoulder again.
“I have told you before that my brother, Hypnos, has a home in the mortal realm. It is an island abode, furnished with many rooms and attended by his priests. Yes—even mytwinhas some few devotees,” he added with a dry chuckle. “He has always been far more loved among mortals than I, or any of our siblings, for that matter.”
“Hypnos and I look as brothers do,” he elaborated, “but we are not identical. His appearance is not quite so severe as mine. His wings are dappled grey, not black. And within them he carries dreams rather than souls.” This was the first time I’d heard him speak of Hypnos in detail, but though I would ordinarily succumb to fascination, I now suspected that Thanatos was stalling. I gave his shoulders a deliberate, reassuring squeeze before returning to petting his wings.
He sighed heavily, as if in acknowledgement of my suspicion. “I have told you that I do not sleep,” he continued, “save for when Hypnos is near. Well, the last time I visited him,I stayed in one of his rooms. I fell under his influence.” He turned his face away, so that I could see only the neat weave of his braided hair. Then he spoke forward, into the wall of my chamber. “When I woke, I found that someone had torn free a fistful of my feathers.”
I froze in shock. My stomach dropped, and a chill washed over me with the realization that my hands were now buried in those very same feathers.How dare someone do such a thing?
I inhaled sharply and extricated my hands from his wings, deciding that this was not a conversation I wanted to have while positioned at his back. I climbed around his body so that we faced each other again, sitting on my own pillow in order to do so. He acknowledged me reluctantly, meeting my horrified expression.
Why?I mouthed.
“Why?” he repeated. “Well, I suspect they were meant to be sold, and brewed into some sort of ultimate poison. Not that it matters. I do not care about the perpetrator’s intent. I care only that I was violated by it.”
What happened?I mouthed again.
“Nothing happened,” he said. “I left. I told no one, least of all my brother. I felt…shame. And I have not slept since that day.”
I set my hand on his thigh, my expression conveying the flurry of outrage and sympathy that raged within me. This nameless person had hurt him.Usedhim. Reinforced his certainty that he was unlovable, which I had taken such care to crack open. If I ever found out who had done this, I might actually discover whether I was capable of bringing someone physical harm. But Thanatos withdrew from my touch.
“Do not look at me so,” he snapped, his voice rough with emotion. “This person did me no lasting harm. My feathers grew back, as you can see.”
I shrunk back, dropping my gaze. The last thing I wanted was to upset him further, but how could I not be incensed on his behalf? I bit my lip and shook my head in apology.
“No, no,” Thanatos groaned. He lifted my chin, encouraging me to make eye contact again. “I am sorry, my love. I did not mean to be harsh to you. I meant only that I do not wish to be pitied.”
I nodded solemnly. I could understand that, at least. Still, I tried to convey with my eyes how much I cared for him. How I would always treat him with respect.
“You mean to say that you would never hurt me?” he guessed correctly. “I know this. I know. That is why I…I liked it, letting you pet my wings. Yet again you have given me a comfort I have never felt before.” He took my hand into his own, and held it up between us. He stared at it for a drawn-out moment. “Will you do it again tomorrow?” he finally asked. “And braid my hair, too?”
I nodded, and dared to peck his lips.
“Mmm,” Thanatos hummed. He closed his eyes in serene meditation, running his thumb over my knuckles in gentle strokes. “You are so very pleasing to me. I often wonder how nature has conspired to gift me something so precious.”
I might have voiced a similar sentiment, but for now I could only wordlessly blush. Thanatos opened his eyes. “Lie down with me,” he commanded. “I want to hold you.” He released my hand and climbed down from my bed, then held the covers open for me to slip inside. When I did so, he tucked me in tenderly before arranging himself on top of my sheets.
He snuggled up to me, holding me close. There was hardly enough room for the both of us, and definitely not enough room for him to sprawl out his wings the way he liked to do when we cuddled after sex. My wandering thoughts flashed to the way he would lie with me then, resting his head on my chest in a state ofblissful stupor, his wings relaxed and spread out across our bed. My body throbbed in protest of our abstinence, and I quickly shoved the image out of mind.
Now, Thanatos folded one wing awkwardly behind him and draped the other over my body, a gesture of trust that felt all the more weighty after what he’d shared with me. “I love you,” he whispered.
I silently pressed my lips to his. We played a game of soundless kisses until I drifted to sleep beneath his wing.
13
In the morning, I found that Andrew was true to his word: my sisters and I each received skillfully woven prayer mats and a stock of various incenses that would last for months. After he unlocked our door, of course. Even the promised candelabra was delivered, to my surprise, and I wondered again why the man thought this an appropriate gift. I supposed I had to admit it was a pretty thing, golden and covered with raised detailing.
