He finds himself at strange hours (day or night) doing a deep dive into Celestia’s social media. Nothing that she’s talking about—skin-care regimens, the right amount of cleavage, self-enhancement—are of particular interest to him. But he is fascinated by the balance that Celestia strikes between sincerity and the sell. He believes that she believes in what she’s doing, and that belief is something hecan’t help but admire...even if it scares him a little. Because the intimacy is an illusion of intimacy—she’s not confiding or conversing, she’sbroadcasting. But judging from the comments section, many of her followers believe it’s a two-sided interaction. That’s why they keep coming back.
As promised, celestia’s list of “song elements” (J is impressed with her phrasing) arrives via email.
You see, V? J thinks.Work.
The only thing that can be said about the list is that it is most definitely a list, with twenty-eight numbered items. What the items have to do with Celestia, her husband, and their marriage is much less clear, even for someone who’s recently spent a good deal of time on Celestia’s social media. A few are clearly either nicknames they have for each other or the names of their pets. Many others are designer brand names. J is familiar with a few from magazines, and others he just assumes are brand names because they are capitalized and seem to go along with names like Gucci and Balenciaga.
In fact, the only nouns that aren’t proper nouns aretoaster, bedtime,andambition.
At the end of the list, there’s a note with a phone number:
If you have any questions, just call!
J calls.
“Celestia Enterprises, Mikhail speaking,” a lilting voice answers.
J explains who he is and why he is calling. Mikhail explains he is on Celestia’s communications team, and that he should be able to answer any questions J has.
“Is it okay if I just go down the list?”
“Please.”
“So...Salty and Pepper?”
“Those are Celestia’s poodles.”
“Safe to assume that one’s a white dog and one’s a black dog?”
“Oh—Celestia doesnotuse that word.”
J thinks for a second about what he’s just said, then has to ask, “Which word?”
“The d-word. One of Celestia’s hallmarks is herspecificity. Salty and Pepper are always to be referred to as poodles. Not...you know.”
“Idoknow. Thank you. Next one—the Queen. Is that a reference to Sweden’s queen? England’s queen?”
“That’s a reference to Celestia herself.”
“I see.”
“It’s what Roger calls her. Though, between us, I think she came up with it, so I wouldn’t give him credit if you can avoid doing so.”
“How aboutbedtime?”
“They have a running joke about their bedtimes, since they’re often so wildly different. Celestia’s day often starts much earlier than Roger’s, for reasons I can’t disclose. So she’s trying to go to bed earlier.”
J figures he understands why ambition is on the list, so he asks abouttoaster.
Mikhail is silent on the line. Finally J has to ask, “Are you there?”
“Sorry. I was just texting Belgravia on my other phone. She’s on Celestia’s appearance team. If anyone knows, she will.”
“Well, I can just ask Celestia when I do my interview for the song,” J says.
Mikhail actually laughs. “Oh, I’m afraid that’s not going to be possible. I think it’s a miracle you got this list. Celestia’s calendar is insane for the next two weeks—even for her. Getting married creates so much demand.”
J is disappointed by this, but notthatdisappointed.
