“No,” V says. “I like it.”
And she leaves it at that.
About ten minutes after J leaves, Meta checks up on V.
V is not expecting this. She is at her desk, trying to return to the monotony of her emails, her equivalent of being on a factory floor. Meta comes into the office and closes the door behind her.
“How are you doing?” she asks.
V isn’t sure why Meta thinks she has the standing to ask this particular question in this particular tone. Is it because they are two of the only women in the office? Is it because of V’s vulnerable exchange with her last time? The way Meta asks, it makes V think of her best friend, Glenda, at home. They talk every few days, and Glenda is always asking her how she’s doing. But somehow it’s different when it’s face-to-face.
“I’m okay,” V replies.
Meta continues to watch her in the space after, knowing V will have to fill that space with more words.
V continues, “It was weird seeing him here, in the office. I never imagined him here, and suddenly, there he was. With salad. I kept asking myself,Would this be any less weird if we were back home, if he was bringing me salad there? And I think the answer is it would have been weird there, too.”
“Do you think it’s strange that I’m here?” Meta asks, in a perfectly neutral tone.
V is not expecting this. She hadn’t been thinking of Meta and Thor at all. But she also understands that Meta can only see things through that lens at this stage.
“No,” V replies. “I think the two of you have a connection, and Thor is better for it.”
Meta nods, but doesn’t change her inquisitive stare. “Do you love him?” she asks.
“I do,” V says. “I think he’s wonderful and flawed, and when I see him, it’s definitely love I feel, not hate or indifference. But the thing is, while all love is made out of the same material, it comes in different shapes and sizes. And what I need to figure out now is what shape and size my love for him is. It might not be the shape and size that fits him anymore. Or fits us—I should have saidfits us.”
If this were a conversation with Glenda, she’d have a dozen follow-up questions. But Meta seems satisfied.
“He seems decent,” she says. “But that can also be a drag, you know?”
“Believe me, there are far worse things than nice,” V tells her. “Far, far worse things.”
“I get it. I just thought, you know, you looked a little tense before.”
“I’m okay now. I promise.”
Glenda would say,I’m here for you anytime. Or,Let me know if you want to talk more. Maybe even,Don’t worry—things will work themselves out.
Meta doesn’t have this kind of vocabulary—at least, not for V. She just says she’ll see V at the three o’clock meeting. Then as she’s leaving the room, she adds almost as an afterthought, “You know I really love Thor, right?” Her voice climbs out of neutrality, to a mix of defensiveness and concern.
V doesn’t think Meta is fishing for her to say “I’m sure Thor loves you, too”—because how would V know? Instead V says, “I think you make a very good couple,” which is true enough.
Meta surprises her by saying, “Thanks,” softly. Then she leaves the room.
V picks up the phone, tempted to call Glenda to tell her what just happened. Then she puts the phone down. All of this—J’s presence, Meta’s sympathy, the pressure of the afternoon’s meeting—is something she wants to navigate herself. She wants to prove that she has her bearings.
Once J gets back to the apartment, he texts Tara.
Have you told Hugh about my appearance? he asks.
No. It’s a surprise!? she replies.
Are you sure that’s a good idea?
He surprises me all the time...it’ll be fun to have a surprise for once! I asked his sister Lori (my maid of honor) and she agreed. Lori’s the only one who knows, besides the wedding planner and the priest!
J feels reassured by Lori’s opinion.
