I open my eyes back up to the stars. “I think I’ll miss it, too.”
“So you’re still leaving?”
“That was always the plan,” I remind him. “To finally get out of here, you know? Move to a big city, go to college or something, become a writer.”
“You don’t sound too excited,” Sam says.
“Well, I didn’t want to do it alone.”
There’s a long silence before Sam speaks again. “You’re gonna be okay, Julie. Wherever it is you go, whoever you end up with. You’ll figure things out.”
“There’s no one else I want to end up with. You’re still here, Sam. And that’s all that matters right now. Nothing else.”
“Julie,” Sam says, somewhat tensely. “Don’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“Hold on to us,” he says. “As if we still have forever.”
“Why do you keep saying that?”
“Because it won’t always be like this. It can’t. I need you to remember that.”
“Butwhycan’t it be?”
“It justcan’t—” His voice cracks a little. “Think about it. You’re not going to live the rest of your life talking to your dead boyfriend on the phone, while everyone else is out there living their lives, meeting new people, moving on with the rest of the world. You can’t live this way forever.”
“I don’t see what’s so wrong about this,” I say back. “You’re making it sound worse than it is.” I can’t think of anything I want more in the world right now, other than having him be alive again. “As if I care what other people think of me. As long as I haveyou.And if we can still be together, we should make it work. Even if it isn’t exactly like we planned—”
“Stop it,Julie,” he interrupts me. “You and I can’t do this forever. That’s just not possible.”
“But you said I could take as long as I need to say good-bye,” I remind him. “What if I don’t? What if I refuse to say it?”
Sam lets out a breath. “So is that what you decided to do… to never say good-bye to me?”
“That wasalways it,Sam. Since the day I met you…”
I think of the day when he will no longer pick up when I call and I can barely breathe. I finally heard him sing; what if I forget his voice? I can’t imagine losing him all over again.
Neither of us say anything for a long time. I stare at the sky as some clouds part, revealing the moon. Out of nowhere, a glitter of white light streaks across the sky, vanishing behind the mountain line.
“A shooting star.”I point at the sky, as if Sam could see it, too.
“I’m surprised you’ve only seen one out there,” he says. “Did you make a wish?”
“You know I don’t believe in stuff like that.”
“Why not?”
“Think about it. Have you ever heard of one coming true?”
“Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it a shot. You could wish for the other bookend back.”
“You’re a real dreamer,” I say.
Sam laughs. “Alright then. What would you wish for, if you could have anything?”
“Anything?”
