Daniel turns his head. “Is something wrong?”
“No,” I say.
“Are you sure? You can tell me.”
I take a moment to answer this. “I guess I was thinking about when we were up here last year. Some of the things we talked about.”
“You mean, our plans to leave Chicago?”
I nod. “Yeah. Here we are, lying in the exact same spot.”
“Why didn’t you just go without me?”
His words surprise me. “I wasn’t gonna leave you here.”
A silence passes between us. I glance at the time on my phone. 11:54 p.m. I push myself up, grabbing a small box from my bag. “I have a surprise for you.” I hand it to him.
Daniel looks at the box suspiciously. Then he opens it. Inside is the chocolate cupcake from Lily’s. His eyes go wide. “You liar.”
“It tastes better this way,” I say with a smirk.
“You mean, withdeceit?”
We can’t stop laughing. I place a small candle on top of the cupcake and light it for him. Daniel looks at me, a beautiful smile on his face. For a moment, there’s no one but us in the entire world. Everything else is a simulation. “You and I are the only thing that’s real,” he once told me. I check the time again. 11:58 p.m.
“Two minutes until your birthday.”
We lie back down again, a little closer this time. The birthday candle flickers between us, casting some shadows on the blanket. I wish I could stop the clock from moving. So we could stay up here for as long as we want. But I know it’s too late for us. A breeze rolls across the rooftop, remindingme this is coming to an end soon. I don’t want to lose him again. I want to keep him with me forever.
“I miss you,” I whisper.
“I miss you, too.”
“I wish I could kiss you one more time.”
“What’s stopping you?”
I swallow my breath as we look at each other. Then I lean toward him, closing my eyes. Ifeelhim leaning into me, too.
But our lips never touch.
Then my phone goes off, telling me it’s midnight. The moment I open my eyes, I’m alone on the rooftop again. No one is lying there next to me. I stare at the empty side of the blanket as another breeze rolls through, ruffling the trees. A chill in the air sends a shiver through me. Then I lean forward and blow out the candle.
“Happy birthday, Daniel.”
I lie there on the rooftop for the rest of the night, wishing he were still here with me.
Two
“You and I are the only thing that’s real.”
His words echo in my head.
What does this mean now that you’re gone?
Sometimes I wake up to the smell of him. As if Daniel has been lying next to me all night. If I reached out my hand, I would feel the warmth of his skin as we lace our fingers together. Then my alarm goes off, forcing my eyes open again. I feel around the sheets, searching for my phone. It’s eight thirty in the morning. I’m usually not up this early, especially since I’m not in school at the moment. But I’m growing tired of spending my days in bed, looking through old photos of us on my phone.
It’s been nearly a year since Daniel died. I’m still not used to a world without him in it. Sometimes I catch myself checking my phone, expecting a text from him. He was always the first person I heard from when I woke up. Sometimes I pretend he’s not actually dead. I imagine he moved away to a remote island, somewhere without signal, making it impossible to stay in touch. It makes things a little easier, pretending he’s alive somewhere else, even if we’re not together.
