We go over the menu together, ordering things we can share. Eventually I head to the counter, grabbing our food and iced tea. Outside, the rain has calmed a little. We talk for a while, catching up on each other’s lives, as people come in and out of the café. Somehow, it feels like no time has passed since we last saw each other. I ask him about the places he wants to visit, the food he wants to try while he’s visiting. At some point, the woman from the counter appears at our table, letting us know they’re about to close. I hadn’t realized how much time had passed. As we head out the door, Haru opens his umbrella for both of us. But I stop short as we step outside.
“Wait, I forgot something.”
The paper bag with Daniel’s shirt inside. It’s on the floor beside the table. I scold myself a little as I turn back inside to grab it. The moment I come out again, I realize Haru is gone. The street is completely empty. I glance around, wondering where he went.
“Haru? Where’d you go?”
But there’s no one out here but me. As I turn back to thecafé, the door is locked. So he couldn’t be inside. I keep glancing around the street, but there’s no sign of Haru anywhere. How could he leave without saying goodbye?
I didn’t even get your number.
How are we supposed to find each other?
It’s like the train doors are closing again. The pain returns to my chest, as if waking me up from a dream. I wait outside the café for a long time, hoping he might return. But Haru never comes back. Eventually the rain picks up. When I realize no one is coming, I make my way to the train station, wondering how I let him slip away again.
Four
My clothes are soaked by the time I get home. I still can’t believe what happened. Why would Haru leave without saying anything? Why didn’t he just wait for me? We could have at least exchanged numbers or something. I’m supposed to show him around the city tomorrow. How did we end up losing each other again?
I leave the living room lights off as I come in. There’s a plate of food on the kitchen counter, wrapped in plastic. I forgot to tell Mom I was missing dinner tonight. I place it in the fridge and head to my room. My wet clothes are sticking to my skin. I throw them on the floor and take a hot shower. My mind is still back at the café. Maybe I should have waited a little longer. What if he got lost and came back looking for me?How long did you expect me to wait in the rain?I wonder if it was something I said. I mean, we made all these plans to see each other again. How could he just leave like that? There must have been some misunderstanding. Maybe I’ll return to the café tomorrow, leave a note at the counter in case he comes back to find me.
I can’t think about anything else. I pace around the room, staring out the window, replaying the last few hours in myhead. Why didn’t we just exchange numbers? Especially after what happened last summer. At one point, I climb into bed and pull the covers over me. There’s nothing I can do to bring him back. The orange streetlight shines across the ceiling, making it impossible to fall asleep. But I’m too lazy to close the blinds. Eventually I just shut my eyes until the rest of the world drifts away.
A sound wakes me upin the middle of the night.
I open my eyes slowly, blinking through the grainy darkness. Someone is sleeping beside me. For a second, I can’t tell if I’m dreaming. Then I hear a familiar voice.
“Did I wake you?” he whispers.
Haru stares back at me through the dark. Silence hangs in the air between us. The moment I fully awaken, I’m jumping to my feet, shouting at the top of my lungs. Before I can form a thought, I hear someone coming from the hallway. A second later, my mom bursts in through the door, turning on the lights.
“B?cái gìv?y?” she says.What’s wrong?
When I turn back to the bed, Haru is gone. I glance around the room, but there’s no sign of him.Where did he go?For a second, I think I’ve lost my mind. Then it quickly hits me.I was only dreaming. He was never here. It was all in my head. I let out a breath as I calm down, turning back to my mom.
“Sorry. I just had a bad dream.”
“N?m moth?y gì?”What did you dream about?
It’s a question she’s asked me before. When I was younger, I used to wake up screaming in the middle of the night. It usually happened after watching a scary movie or if something bad happened. Mom would come in, taking me in her arms, asking me what I’d dreamed about. Sometimes it was a monster under the bed, or something hiding in the closet. Mom would always ward them off for me, staying next to me until I fell asleep again. But my anxieties are not the same monsters from my childhood. They are of a different variety I don’t think she’ll understand anymore. So I decide not to tell her. “It was nothing. Just a bad dream.”
“Con hét to quá,” she says.You screamed so loud.
“I’m sorry,” I say again.
She looks at me, concern in her eyes. But she doesn’t push me on this. “Okay,” she says, nodding. “Ði ng? di.”Go back to sleep then.
“Okay.”
This is usually how we speak with each other. Mom will say something in Vietnamese and I usually respond in English. It’s not that I prefer it this way. I just don’t know how to speak it as well as I used to. But I can still understand a lot of it.
Mom shuts off the lights and closes the door behind her.
I stand in the dark for a moment. Then I check under the bed for good measure. It takes a while to shake off the feeling that someone was here.It was only a dream, I remind myself. It’s only me in the room. I climb back in bed andpull the sheets over my head. It takes a long time to fall asleep. But eventually the world drifts away again.
Sunlight shines across my facewhen I wake up. I’m not sure what time or day it is. But I want to stay in bed for a few more hours. It’s not as though I have anything worth getting up for. Maybe I’ll just go back to sleep. As I turn on my side, my arm brushes against something next to me. It’s the warmth of skin that makes me open my eyes.
Someone is sleeping beside me, facing the other way. I blink a few times, expecting to wake up again. This must be a dream, right? I reach out my hand, running my fingers along the arch of their back. But why does this feel soreal? Then he rouses to life. I pull my hand back as he turns around slowly, and the next thing I know, Haru and I are facing each other again. He scrunches his eyes, as if he’s just waking up.
