“We are going to that dinner, Raf. You deserve to be in that room, and I refuse to give your father a reason to fault you, even if what you’re suggesting is selfless and chivalrous. This probably won’t be the last time panic paralyzes me, but I refuse to let it own me,” I say, straightening.
Picking up the signed paperwork, I smooth my hair and give him a chaste kiss on the lips. “I’ll be waiting for you at home.”
Then I leave, wondering why it always feels like for every one good thing that happens, there are three bad things lingering in the wings.
Chapter Forty-Four
Ex Problems
Raf
I have never feltlike a bigger piece of shit than when Chiara left my office. Not only because I was the reason she spiraled into a panic attack, but because the information that caused it wasn’t the total sum. The total sum of it would break her, and I don’t think I’m strong enough to bear witness.
Until I speak with AJ to clear up what Alessandro put in that letter, I can’t divulge more than I have. Is it fucked that I talk of the importance of trust and yet here I am gatekeeping not just what was in the envelope addressed to her but also my own trust issues?
The buzzing in my brain is too much, only interrupted by the buzzing of the burner in my pocket.
Unknown:
Please, Bella Mia. Meet me. Come back to me. Give me a chance to explain everything. I didn’t want to leave. AJ made me, and he cut me off from having any way to get in contact. That’s why I searched high and low until I found you. Seeing you has only made me more desperate to start our life together. Just give me fifteen minutes. Tell me where.
I’m still in shock you’re here. I need more time.
Unknown:
What does that mean? Hours? Days? Weeks? I have already gone years without you.
I don’t know. How long does it take to get over dead parents?
Unknown:
I can tell you everything about who did it. I promise.
I leave him on read because I’ve been fielding versions of this same message since that fucking letter I was never meant to find became my blessing and curse. Just one more day and I can get some clarity on what the fuck AJ has to do with it all.
I shove the blasted thing in my bag and tidy my desk. I don’t want to be here. I have so much work to do, but I need to release this nervous energy pumping through me. While I made the mature, well-adjusted decision and sent Chiara to a therapy session, I decide I probably need my version of therapy, the type that helps me get a handle on my emotions in a more volatile way. Once I’m fully packed, I quickly change into theworkout gear I keep in my office, grab my bag with my laptop in it, lock my door, and stride out of the office without so much as a backward glance at the junior lawyers gaping at me. Needless to say, witnessing me leaving the office, in gym gear no less, before 8 p.m. is probably akin to a Loch Ness monster sighting. I don’t pass my father’s office to collect the lecture that is no doubt waiting for me. And I don’t stop to tell Janice to clear my calendar. She’ll have too many questions—even if she doesn’t ask them with her mouth. I simply step into the elevator and send her a Teams message asking her to reschedule all my appointments for the afternoon.
Then I get in my car and tell my driver to go directly to Johnny’s. Until I find a way to take out my frustration and pure contempt on the faces of evil that steal the sunshine out of my woman’s eyes, a boxing bag will have to do.
When I walk into the ring, I expect our usually reserved spot to be free, except it’s not. Seb is already there.
“What are you doing here?” I ask by way of greeting.
“What the fuck does it look like,” he responds between jabs and pants before stopping and resting his hands on his hips while trying to get his breathing under control. Once he does, the Spanish Inquisition begins. “The bigger question is what the fuck are you doing here? It’s three in the afternoon.”
“I need to let off some steam. Dad was up to his antics today and I can’t fucking deal,” I say.
“Oh yeah. What’s he in a tizzy about now?” asks Seb before taking a swig of water.
“He’s sending me to a schmoozey dinner tonight and tried to fucking organize my date for me.”
Seb spits what’s left out of his mouth as he coughs on his laughter.
“Oh my God, bro, that’s diabolical. I hope you told him where to shove it.”
“No. Chiara did.”
Seb barks out a laugh. “Oh I bet she did. But please explain.”
