“Well, how does it feel to be picked for the All Star Game?”
It’s a softball question, and I’m sure he’s expecting a softball answer.
Thanks for asking, Sam. It’s an honor to be able to represent my team here. I’m so happy to have been selected.
But I’m not.
“Well, honestly, Sam? It felt like a kick in the teeth.”
That gets his attention. His body language changes, sitting forward in his chair.
“Could you elaborate on that?”
“I’d be happy to. I’ve had a first row seat to the amazing work Jamie Carter has been doing this season in Minneapolis. He’s taken a team that was struggling badly and completely reinvigorated the offense, not only on his line, but across the entire team. To be chosen over him feels like an insult to the entire Minnesota Huskies organization.”
His eyes are wide, and I can almost see his brain spinning. I wonder for a second if Jamie is on a list of forbidden topics. Still, Sam is a journalist at heart, and I’m fairly certain he won’t walk past this open door.
“Are you suggesting that Carter was deliberately overlooked by the league?”
“Absolutely. Since the draft last summer, it’s felt like journalists and the league have made a concerted effort to be as unimpressed by Carter as possible. Did you know that Minneapolis is currently holding onto the best record through fifty games that we’veeverhad? That we currently have the highest probability of making the playoffs out of all thirty-two teams? And yet, if you look at mainstream hockey journalism, all you’ll see is questions about whether he’s a distraction to the team. Well, if we’re playing distracted, I’d hate to see what we’d be doing if we paid attention.”
I pause for a moment to catch my breath, and Sam seems to be considering his next question. Before he can find one, I start again.
“I’ve also been intensely disappointed with the league’s action — or lack thereof — towards teams that have repeatedly targeted Carter, both physically and verbally. Whether it’s dirty hits like the one from Dallas or the slurs I regularly hear flung his way, it is absolutely unacceptable. I call on the league to address this with both officials and teams. Until they do so, I will assume it is because they accept the behaviors.”
Montgomery’s eyes light up, as though I’ve somehow saved his very best Christmas gift and given it to him at this moment.
“So you’re telling me you believe the league’s failure to select Carter has to do with him being the first gay player?”
“I think we all know the league has a very clear idea of what a player should be. Strong, stoic, traditionally masculine. Willing to play through anything. Willing to suffer in silence. How many players do you know who play injured, only to end up with lifelong disabilities? Or who mask their pain with substances?”
I know Sam has written stories about these players, about the hidden costs of playing this game.
“I grew up in this league, I grew up around these players, and I know they have a very clear idea of what it means to be a man. And Jamie Carter spits in the face of all that. But what the league isn’t giving him credit for is the sheer grit and determination it takes to do all that he has done while the entire world is telling you that you can’t.Thatis what it means to be a strong man in this league.”
Again I stop for a breath, and Sam jumps in.
“I’m sure Carter appreciates your support. Would you say the team has been welcoming to him?”
I think for a second about that.
“Yeah, the guys have been great. Kovalenko set a strong positive tone early on and that has continued. I’m sorry, Sam. I want to return to your previous question for a moment. You mentioned Carter being the first gay player in the league, and I just want to be clear:Carter is neither the first nor the only gay player in this league. He’s simply the first with the balls to do it publicly.”
His eyebrow raises at this. If he thought I was done with this line of questioning, he’s wrong.
“So you’re saying that there are players in the league who are choosing to remain closeted. What do you think might be motivating that?”
I take a deep breath, and then another. Up until now, I’ve been winging it. But this next part? I’ve been running through it for days. With Jack, with Alexei, in my head over and over while I should have been sleeping…
“Well, Sam, when I was a young gay man trying to make my way, first in the AHL and then later in the NHL, I was intensely aware of the fact thatanythingthat made me stand out was to be discouraged. Whether it was a twinge in my knee or the fact that I was attracted to other men, I needed to just put my head down and keep quiet about it. Run drills, hit hard, and just generally stay out of the way.”
If I thought Sam’s eyes were huge before, that’s nothing to now. He looks shocked, and I don’t think he could generate a question now if forced. So instead, I continue.
“But the thing is, ignoring things don’t make them go away. That knee needed surgery. And I was still attracted to men, I was just miserable about it. I spent ten years worrying about when it would catch up to me, when someone would realize that I don’t belong here. But thanks to Carter, I get it now.I’mnot the problem. The league is.”
“You’re…I’m sorry, you’re saying that you’re gay?”
“Yes, Sam. And I’m tired of lying about it.”
