“So of course I blew my nut and fell asleep…and he took a picture of us in bed together.”
Ethan looks horrified.
“Notthatkind of picture. Just, you know, cuddling together. Posted it to Instagram.So lucky to have him. Tagged me in it.”
Somehow, even five years later, I can still remember the oily feel of shame.
“So, I fell asleep in the closet and woke up out of the closet. Shit got aroundfast. My agent terminated our relationship by the end of the day. The teams who’d expressed interest unexpressed it. And the worst part is, I still don’t knowwhy.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, did he do it to hurt me? He could’ve just blackmailed me, I’d have figured it out. Or did he…did he actually think he was lucky to have me? Did he just want other people to know?”
Shit. I can feel the tears burning in the back of my eyes. This isthe thing that gets me – I don’t even know who the bad guy is in this story.Is it me?
“But…you kept playing.”
I drag my hand down, looking at him just a bit.
“Yeah.”
“In spite of all that, you keep playing.”
I nod.
“And youdidget drafted.”
“I did. Whether that’s a good thing remains to be seen.”
“It…it was a good thing for me.”
I lift my eyebrow at him. “That’s not what you were saying in September.”
“I was a dumbass in September. More importantly, I wasalonein September. I didn’t know that there was even the possibility of not being alone, of not being the only one. You changed that for me.”
I appreciate his vulnerability, but at the same time I want to step away from it.
“Aw, you’re just saying that because you like getting off on my abs.”
It’s clear that I’ve picked the wrong words, the echo of what happened last night ringing heavy in this hotel. He walks over to the bed where I still lay, eyes closed. I feel the bed dip with his weight, and for a moment I expect to feel his hands on me – my abs, my pecs, my dick. For a moment, I think that's what I want – the distraction of his body on mine.
Instead, I feel his fingers running through my hair, softly carding through the strands. I open my eyes and almost immediately meet his.
“That's not why, Jamie.”
And for the first time in five years, I allow myself to cry for that kid.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
ETHAN
Letting Jamie walk outof my room is one of the hardest things I've ever done. After hearing his story, I want to do so many things.
I want to kiss him.
I want to hold him.
I want to cover his body with mine.
