“I wasn't sure if you were looking for something....ongoing. I mean, I know you mentioned in September that it could be...convenient, you know? With two professional athletes.”
I cringe at the reminder of my words. Whatever this is, it certainly isn'tconvenient.
“Can we maybe pretend you never met me before, say, Halloween?”
He laughs at this.
“Yeah, we can do that.”
I lean back in again, bringing my lips to his, enjoying the feeling of them yielding beneath me. Just as I'm considering how to move us to a more horizontal position, he pulls back.
“You know, this reallyisconvenient. I can't imagine why more guys aren't hooking up with their roommates on roadies.”
I'm caught off guard, mostly by the fact that I can find this funny.
“Rook, that's how Iknowyou're a college boy. If you'd come up through juniors, you'd know plenty of guysare.”
The surprise on his face is, frankly, adorable.
“They are?I need you to tell me everything.”
Everything? No, probably not. But I think back to what he shared with me the last time we were in a hotel room together. Maybe I can sharesomething.
“I know it feels like we're all constantly together now, but in juniors and the AHL, it's just a whole different world. Sharingrooms all the time, lots of long rides on buses that are just a little too small. And, of course, not very many girls are interested in spending time with a guy living in some stranger's basement. So guys get...inventive.”
“I feel like that could get...messy. I mean, I hooked up with my roommate a couple of times in college, but we were really clear from the start about what it was and what it wasn't.”
He pauses for a moment before looking at me.
“Didyou...?”
The urge to be honest with him is so strong that I start speaking without really thinking about it.
“Yeah. A guy from my team and I would hook up from time to time. I don't even know if he's actually gay or not. But, you know, all mouths feel pretty much the same in the dark, I guess.”
I can't quite meet his eye, thinking back to those days when I was so desperate to show that I wasn't gay, that this couldn't be me.
Whoops.
“Hey. You good?” Jamie lifts my chin, bringing my eyes to his.
“Yeah. It just...it wasn't really my best time, you know? I was simultaneously having a lot of definitely gay sex while trying to show everyone how not-gay I could be.”
Jamie hums.
“Yeah, I, uh, don't want toexcusewhat Josh did to me, but I was definitely not my best self when I was with him, either. I knew he was into it, and I figured he was separate enough from that whole world of hockey and agents and the draft that the two would never touch. I look back and I realize I was using him. I kind of had it coming, you know?”
My hand goes back to his hip, pulling his body fully into mine.
“I think sometimes we have to be able to find forgiveness for ourselves, you know? Or at least be able to forget, to grow.”
His arms snake around my waist.
“Yeah, and maybe forgiveness for others, too. You know?” Helooks into my eyes and I find myself desperately hoping that I'm one of those lucky others who have earned his forgiveness.
I bring my mouth back down to his, and this time the kiss turns incendiary. Before I know it, he is pushing me back onto the nearest bed before falling on top of me. His knees fall to either side of my hips, bringing our dicks together. Even through the layers of denim, I can feel his hardness against mine.
I pull his head back down to mine, simultaneously thrusting up into him. For a few moments, our bodies rub together while our tongues tangle. When Jamie pulls back, I worry that he wants to put a stop to this. Instead, he strips his shirt off, revealing the beautiful body I so admired earlier tonight.
