I lick my suddenly dry lips and hold out my hand. “Deal.”
OLIVIA
Don’t you dare come at me for having another cup of coffee.
According toBreaking Bad, chemistry teachers are out there learning to make meth. Tell me which addiction is safer.
—Olivia’s Secret Thoughts
“The past few days have been a testament to my ability to compartmentalize—dealing with Ryker, and the league, and the police, and the partners, and Logan, and his family... It’s been one thing after another all week. I’ve crashed at my house as much as I’ve crashed at Logan’s, but in all honestly, that’s all it felt like I was doing.Crashing.”
“And how does that make you feel, Olivia?”
I look over the top of my glasses at Delia, my incredible therapist, and don’t bother to hide the roll of my eyes. “You know how cliché that sounds, right?”
“And yet I still asked, didn’t I?” She purses her lips, hiding a smile as she tucks her silken, chin-length silver hair behind her ear.
This woman has seen me through everything in my life for over a decade. Going so far as agreeing to weekly virtual calls while I was away at school, so I wouldn’t have to find someone else to trust. Something I don’t do easily despite years of discussing the concept with her.
How does that make me feel?
That’s a great question. One I don’t have an answer for.
“I don’t know,” I admit. “Exhausted, I guess.Stressed. Worried I’ll be so busy looking one way that I’ll miss something that’s coming for me or my family or my clients from the other direction and something bad will happen... Something they’re all counting on me to prevent. I guess I’m worried about losing control.”
“Total control is an illusion, Olivia. We can only control ourselves, our boundaries, our emotions, and our efforts. I’d like to talk more about your marriage and how you feel about thisarrangement,” she says, placing an emphasis on the last word.
“Can we not?” I ask, having already debated telling her about Logan, not completely sold on it being the right thing to do. But what’s the point of therapy if you’re going to lie to your therapist? “I’d rather talk about anything else.”
“It’s your time.” She smiles and crosses her legs. “But we’ll have to talk about it eventually.”
I nod and look at my watch, grateful to see we only have three minutes left. “I know. I’m just not ready to do it today.”
“Okay. But tell me this. Do you feel safe in his house?”
Strangely enough, that is a far easier answer. “Yes.”
I’m not sure why I feel that way though. Not that I tell her that. Pops and Rafe have been fine, and to an extent, so has Logan. But Jasper and Waverly haven’t exactly rolled out the red carpet. The ranch may not feel like home, but it does feel safe... I feel safe there.
“Good.” She makes a note in her tablet, then closes the cover. “That’s a great place to pick up next week then.”
“Great,” I tell her a little less than enthusiastically and grab my purse as I stand. “Thank you, Delia. I appreciate it.”
“And Olivia.” She waits until I look her way. “Be gentle with your family when you go for dinner. Remember, they care about you.”
“You know, you’ve gotten more annoying in your old age,” I tease, knowing dinner with my parents and my sister’s family is going to be about as fun as having my fingernails pulled out with a pair of tweezers.
“Sixty-five isn’t old, dear. Some would say I’ve gotten wiser.” She crosses the room and holds the door open for me. “Have a good week.”
“You too.”
I wait until I’m in the car before checking my phone. It’s basically the only hour of the week where I turn it off.
Logan
Oh, Olive... Are you planning on hiding again tonight?
I’ve only spent two of the past five nights at the ranch, so I know what my answer needs to be. Even if I wish it wasn’t.
