“I’ll be going now,” he eventually mumbles, putting us both out of our misery. “Take care, Evangeline. Even now, despite how much this fucking hurts, I’ll never regret you.”
CHAPTER 60
ALARIC
The pounding in my skull is incessant. It takes several seconds for me to realize the sound is not in my head. Bleary-eyed, I roll out of bed.
How I managed to fall asleep is beyond me.
I stumble through the living room, hope ratcheting up tenfold as the banging starts up again.
What if it’s her?
With my heart lodged in my throat, I yank the door open.
“I’m not a baby.” Luca pushes past me, stumbling into the living area. “But I’m going to have a baby.Fuck.”
Disappointment ravages my mind as I close the door and trail after him.
He’s drunk, that’s obvious. But he came to me. Despite our fight and the way he stormed off earlier, he came back.
“Let me get you a glass of water,” I suggest, heading into the kitchen.
“I don’t want yourwater, Ric.”
A huff works its way out of me. Apparently, he’s not drunk enough to forsake brat mode.
“Okay. What do you want, then?” I ask, planting my feet wide and crossing my arms over my chest.
He falls onto the couch, burying his face in his hands, and groans. Then his shoulders are shaking and his body is racked with sobs.
I stalk across the room and drop to the cushion beside him. Forget my line of questioning. Forget our argument. Forget all the ways I’vefumbled so badly. Forget everything else, because despite the animosity between us, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for my son.
“Start at the beginning.” I place a steady hand on his back and rub small circles between his shoulder blades like I used to do when he was little.
He’s quiet for a minute, then another, his breathing evening out.
Just as I worry he’s fallen asleep, hunched over like this, he sits up and looks me in the eye.
“I fucked up, Dad. So many times, in so many ways.” He scrubs the tears from his face. “I can’t do anything right, and I’m so damn tired of disappointing everyone.” His body shudders again, his emotions building. “Everyone expects me to be perfect. To have it together, just like you. I don’t ever fucking measure up, and I’m so fucking tired of feeling inadequate.”
“I don’t have it all together,” I tell him. “I never have.”
He snorts. “Yeah, okay. You don’t have any idea what it’s like to live in your shadow. To be constantly compared to another person. To know that no matter what I do, I won’t ever be enough.”
He flops back, his body deflated. With his eyes closed and his hair a mess, he looks like the boy I raised and still love so much.
After a moment, he lifts his head. “I stopped trying. I gave up, content to be the antithesis of the great Alaric Steele,” he rasps. “At least then I didn’t have to manage other people’s disappointment all the damn time. But now I don’t know what to do. I can’t be someone’s dad. I’ve never taken care of anyone else. Ever.”
Understatement of the fucking year.
I keep that response to myself and temper my frustration.
“You’re scared,” I say softly. “And that’s okay. Anyone in your situation would be. But despite what you’ve done in the past, you have the power to change and move forward.”
He grunts, his attention darting to the patio. “You’re talking about her, aren’t you?”
Sighing, I shake my head. “I’m talking about you, Luca. You’re my one and only priority right now.”
