The familiar music builds, and pride swells in my chest when Ferris and Heath appear, sporting Granata red.
Sophie clutches my shoulder as our son’s face appears on screen. In the video, Luca lifts his hand to his chin, stares into the camera, and tips his head.
“Ugh,” she groans. “That’s awful. Why didn’t he smile? He’s so handsome, and he has the best smile.”
I stifle a laugh. “Spoken like a true mother.”
When I swivel in my chair, I’m eye level with her protruding stomach.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this again,” I tell her, shaking my head.
She’s pregnant with her fourth; about five months along. Despite myteasing, the sight of her baby bump warms my heart in a tender, nostalgic way.
The two of us met as teenagers. I was making a name for myself on the Texas Star Karting circuit, and she was always around because her father owns Lutero RM, a Formula 1 team based in Austria.
We started seriously dating when we were eighteen and nineteen. Within a few months, she was pregnant with Luca, and my entire world shifted.
We got married, and I applied for full-time jobs with benefits. I was determined to provide for my little family. That’s how I ended up on Lutero’s culinary team.
The hours were long and I traveled a lot, but I squeezed in online classes in business administration and earned a degree on Lutero’s dime. I was quickly promoted and worked my way up the ranks. Before long, this sport became one of the most significant aspects of my life, my obsession nearly tied with my love for my son.
The three of us were okay for a while. Sophie’s father ensured she and Luca attended a few races each year. But I was rarely home when Luca was little, constantly traveling with the team, and when I was physically present, I was jet-lagged and exhausted from the grueling pressure. My dedication to this sport meant I didn’t always show up emotionally for my family.
The demise of our romantic relationship was natural. We grew up and grew apart. Sophie learned more about herself and what she liked, while I was doing the same thing in my career.
Turns out she loves being a mom. She thrives on routine. She runs a successful organizational consulting business and would rather spend a cozy night at home than be anywhere else.
Her desires for a big family and a quiet home life were at odds with my dreams for the fast-paced lifestyle working in the pinnacle of motorsport.
Neither one of us was willing to yield. Though there was plenty of tension and frustration throughout the process of splitting up, we worked to remain respectful and amicable, centering Luca’s well-being as our priority.
Looking back, I’m grateful for how it all played out. I could have never been enough for this amazing woman. I wasn’t willing or able to prioritize her, and that’s what she needs and deserves.
She rubs her belly, surveying her two littles, who are covering each other in stickers, and sighs wistfully. “Rodger always wanted a big family.”
“So did you,” I remind her.
“I honestly don’t think we’re anywhere close to being done.” She cringes, but there’s excitement in her eyes.
As if I hadn’t already assumed as much.
Rodger Callahan is a great guy. The three of us get along well. We spent a lot of time together at various races and even on vacation when Luca was a boy.
“Speaking of family,” my ex muses, giving me a pointed look, “I’m going to go see our son while I can.”
Sighing, I lean back in my desk chair and shake my head. “I’d tell you to send him my love, but he’d only think there was a double meaning behind the well wishes, and I don’t want to mess with his mind before the race.”
She cocks one eyebrow. “He’s still keeping up the cool guy, icy act?”
“It’s worse than before,” I mutter, digging the heel of my hand into my eye socket. “He’s been fucking arctic.”
“Ric said the fuck word.” Ollie jumps to his feet and points a stubby finger at me.
Groaning, Sophie lifts a hand to her face to hide her smile. “He did. And he’s very sorry to have said that in the presence of little ears.”
I do my best to look contrite, pressing my lips together and nodding. “Sorry, pal.”
Apparently easily appeased, he sits and refocuses on his coloring.
