“You don’t know that.”
“What you’re feeling is disappointment.Your cake is being taken away before you’re finished eating it.”
“Goddamn it, Vanessa.You’re notcake.”
She piled her hair atop her head and secured it with an elastic band.“Maybe if we’d taken our time, you’d feel more satisfied.”
He flushed at the subtle dig at his sexual performance.He’d yanked off her panties and buried his face in her.He’d gone at her like a wild beast, and the fact that she’d enjoyed it didn’t mean much.She’d been starving for a man’s touch.“We just had unprotected sex,” he said.“I’ve never done that before.”
“Well, no wonder you think you’re in love.”
He considered climbing on top of her again and kissing some sense into her.If he couldn’t make her believe him, at least he could shut her up for a while.“I knew I was in love with you four days ago.”
Her lips parted in surprise.He caught a hint of vulnerability in her eyes before her face hardened into a cool mask once again.
“I knew it the last time we went to bed together.I knew it when I bandaged your knee, and when I saw you with Emily at the lemonade stand.Maybe I knew it even earlier.Maybe I’ve known it all along.”
Instead of responding to his emotional declaration, she rose from the bed with her hand cupped between her legs.It dawned on him that he’d spilled inside her like a reckless teenager.He felt a stab of shame for failing to use protection.He hadn’t even thought to withdraw.
Why hadn’t he taken that basic precaution?
The moment punctuated every mistake he’d made with her.It was a mess, literally and figuratively.It was the opposite of romantic.
She brushed past him and continued down the hall, and he heard the bathroom door slam.The sound of running water indicated she was tidying up.Washing away the traces of their encounter, which could have life-long repercussions.
“Goddamn it,” he swore, dragging a hand across his jaw.What he’d just done was incredibly stupid, borderline unforgivable, and he might never see her again.He donned his rumpled T-shirt and picked up her discarded panties.He held the scrap of lace in a tight grip, his stomach churning.This morning, when he’d folded the laundry from the dryer, he’d found a similar pair.He’d studied the panties for a long time, rubbing the fabric between his fingers.He’d even lifted the lace to his cheek.
He didn’t repeat the action, because he didn’t have to.He still had her scent on his hands, and he could taste her on his lips.She emerged from the bathroom, flushed and dewy and beautiful, before he’d decided what to do.He wished he’d savored her slowly.He wished he hadn’t wronged her.
She accepted the panties from his outstretched hand.
“Does what I said mean anything to you?”he asked.“It’s not every day I tell a woman I love her.”
She stepped into the panties and slipped on her sandals.“In my experience, love doesn’t mean that much to men.It doesn’t mean they’ll be faithful, or honest, or reliable.So, no.Those words don’t mean anything to me.”
“I just came inside you.Does that mean anything?”
“What do you think it means, Paul?That I’m going to have your baby?”
“We should talk about the consequences,” he said.
“I absolve you.”
“I don’t want to be absolved.I want to take care of you and Emily.”
“Too bad,” she said in a flippant tone.“We exchanged body fluids, not vows.It’s the wrong time of month, regardless.”
It dawned on Paul that her glib attitude was a defense mechanism.She wasn’t unaffected by his confession.He’d rattled her, and she was trying to hide it.She’d been crying last night; he’d seen the evidence.If she didn’t care about him, none of this would matter to her.She wouldn’t have to work so hard to push him away.
She tried to skirt around him, so he captured her upper arms.
“I don’t want it to end like this,” he said.“I don’t want it to end at all.”
“You’re leaving, remember?”
“I’ll come back to you.”
Tears glittered in her eyes as she stared up at him.“Don’t make it harder,” she said, and jerked out of his grasp.“Just let me go.”
