“I shouldn’t have spoken out against him before the wedding,” he said in a formal tone.“I overstepped, and I regret it.”
His apology stunned her.It was clear he’d practiced the words, perfected them.“You regret overstepping, but you keep doing it.You filled a room with toys for Emily.Now she’ll beg to stay here.”
“I only wanted to make things easier for you,” he said.“I understand how difficult this is.I’ve been through it.”
Her mouth dropped open.“You have no idea what I’m going through!Are you kidding?Youbetrayed Mom, not the other way around.Youbroke up our family, and now you want to commiserate with me as if we have something in common?We havenothingin common.”She needed to hurl more insults at him, to unleash her rage, but she was too agitated to speak clearly.Her voice shook with emotion.
He rose to his feet again.“It’s time I explained my side of this.”
“Please do,” she said, sarcastically.“Explain how you were so wronged and misunderstood that you had to screw the town librarian in our living room.”
He bristled at the accusation, which he couldn’t deny.“Your mother and I married young.You know that.I was only twenty when you were born.”
“Did someone force you to get married?”
“We were strongly encouraged by both sets of parents.”
“She was pregnant,” Vanessa said.
“Yes.”
Vanessa hadn’t known, but the timing had always been a bit suspect.
“I have no regrets about those circumstances.We adored you, and we loved each other.Your mother was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.”He smiled at her gently.“Almost as beautiful as you.”
Vanessa refused to be sweetened with compliments.She made an impatient gesture for him to continue.
“Jackson came along two years later.We were happy, even though we could barely make ends meet.She loved being a mother, and she couldn’t wait to have more children.We both wanted a big family.”
Something twisted in the pit of her stomach.She listened grimly.
“She had four miscarriages in a row.The first was the most difficult because she was almost six months along.They were all agonizing, emotionally.”
Vanessa sank to a seated position along the garden wall.Her mother had never said a word about miscarriages.
“She’s not a quitter, your mother.She was determined to get pregnant again, but the doctors advised against it.I wouldn’t agree to try for another child, and she fell into a deep depression.”He sat down beside her.“When you were about ten, we reached a breaking point.She told me she didn’t love me anymore.It was a devastating blow.”
“Why didn’t you leave?”she asked.
“Because I still loved her, and I wanted to keep our family together.I hoped we could work things out.”
“You slept with other women.”
“Yes, I did.Your mother took solace in her religious beliefs.I found it elsewhere.”
Vanessa looked away, disturbed by the confession.She didn’t ask why he hadn’t told her these things before.She’d been too young to understand at thirteen.Even at nineteen, she might not have appreciated the complexity.They hadn’t been on speaking terms for much of her adolescence.
His betrayal had never been easy to swallow.It had felt like a betrayal of the whole family, an abandonment of all responsibility.The idea that he could love her mother, and have relationships with other women, still didn’t compute.Vanessa would never forget the day she’d caught him cheating.
“Did you have to flaunt your affairs by bringing women to ourhome?”she asked.
He shook his head with regret.“I was stupid and careless.Maybe I wanted to get caught, but not by you.I wanted your mother to file for divorce, or at least to acknowledge my infidelity.That was the worst moment of my life.”
“Finally something we agree on,” she said and stood abruptly.“Except now I have one that tops it.I walked in on Bennett with my best friend.”
Her father closed his eyes.“Son of a bitch.”
“So, yeah.Thanks for that family legacy, Dad.”
