I nod. “Sure did, a ninety isn’t half bad.”
He shakes his head and lets out what sounds like an exasperated laugh. “I’d heard that guy was a hard ass, but I swear, I haven’t received a hundred on a single assignment.” He runs a hand through his blonde hair. “I wonder if anyone in class has gotten a perfect score on anything,” he says, thinking out loud.
I have, and so has Sam, but I’m not about to bring that up just to make him feel inadequate. Realistically, Asherisa hard ass. He’s probably one of the most intense professors I’ve had in grad school, but it’s possible to impress him and receive a grade that shows how much time and effort you put into your assignments.
Then again, maybe I’m just biased.
I shrug and make some sort of noncommittal noise. “Maybe the final will be easier.” I know it won’t, but I don’t have any other response.
He snorts. “Doubt it.” An awkward half laugh escapes my lips, but I don’t say anything else. I push open the door that leads outside, and he continues walking beside me. I’m not sure where his car is, but I’m assuming he caught up to me for a reason. Matt clears his throat. “So,” he starts, and the nervousness in his voice makes my stomach lurch. Whatever he’s about to say can’t be good. “I just wanted to check in with you since it’s after Thanksgiving break.”
He rubs the back of his neck as I give him a dumbfounded look. “Sorry.” I blink. “What are we checking in about?”
His cheeks flush pink, but he manages to chuckle. “I should’ve been more specific.” He comes to a sudden stop, and I feel the need to pause beside him so I’m not rude. “We’dtalked about going out on a date once we’d finished our midterm project.”
His smile is so sweet and so sincere—it makes me feel nauseous. I can feel my face blanch at his hopeful gaze. I clench my eyes shut and rattle my brain for any sort of response that won’t come across like I’m simply blowing him off.
I genuinely intended to go out with him after we finished our project. I wasn’t initially attracted to him as I had been to Asher, but Matt has always been so nice to me, and since we’re going to grad school for the same thing, we have a lot in common. I could’ve grown to like him as more than a friend, I’m sure of it.
His grin falls as he takes in my reaction. I take a deep breath, bracing myself. “I’m sorry, Matt,” I start. “I really meant it when I said that we could go out after we finished our project, but… I met someone. Over break,” I manage to spit out. “My mother likes to take any opportunity to set me up, and she had someone waiting at our house for Thanksgiving dinner,” I add, andtechnicallythat’s not a lie.
“Oh,” he says, and I can see how uncomfortable he feels. There’s a downward pull in his mouth that shows his disappointment and that he’s not quite sure how to respond.
“I don’t usually think about dating,” I keep talking, trying to soften the blow, but somehow, I feel like I’m making it worse. “So, I really didn’t expect to connect with anyone between when you originally asked me and when we finished our project. I never would’ve offered to go out with you if I had thought that would be a possibility.”
Okay, that feels like a lie. Asher had been in my life at that point, and we had already had a few moments. Did I think we’d ever actually get together? No. But this conversation with Matt has left me feeling like shit, and I don’t know what else to say.
“It’s all good.” He waves off my rambling. “We didn’t have a sure thing going or anything. I just wanted to check in becauseI was looking forward to it, but it’s not a big deal. Really.” He’s lying, just like I was. I can see it in the furrow of his eyebrows, his pursed lips, and the dullness in his blue eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I say, at a loss for what else to say.
“Nothing to be sorry for,” he responds, giving me a smile that doesn’t meet his eyes. “He’s a lucky man.” Though his tone sounds annoyed, showing that he definitely doesn’t mean what he’s saying.
“Thanks,” I mumble, looking for some way to end this conversation as fast as possible.
He starts to back away, making it easy for me. “Well,” he adds, his features smoothing out into something more light-hearted. “If he fucks it up, I’ll take a rain check on that date.”
I let out a surprised laugh, relieved that everything is going to be alright between us. Matt’s a great guy, but he’s just not Asher.
“Goodbye, Matt.”
24
ASHER
Besides class,I haven’t seen Summer in over a week. Calling her my ‘girlfriend’ seems inadequate for how I’m feeling. Since we spent the last few days of the break together, I feel like we’ve gotten to know each other better than I’ve learned about previous partners in months.
She spent the weekend at my apartment, only leaving to feed her cat before returning. We spent as much time in bed as we did talking and cooking together, watching each other’s favorite movies, and ordering food in. Though every time we had food delivered, it was a shameful reminder that it wasn’t safe for us to go out as a normal couple would.
Even though we’ve barely seen each other, we have been texting every day.
She’s been too busy this week finalizing an essay I assigned, and even though I’ve never actually wanted to punch myself in the face before, the urge has grown stronger with every passingday—especially when I think about how busy I’ll be grading papers, which will probably leave even less time with Summer.
I’m nursing a beer at The Pour House, pathetically hoping Summer will stop by so I have an excuse to talk with her in person, when my phone rings. I eagerly answer it, hoping Summer has found some free time and is saying she’s on her way over to my place.
“Geez, that was fast,” my sister’s voice says across the line. “Waiting for a particular someone to call?”
I can tell that Juliet means to be supportive, but I can also hear the wariness in her tone. She’d made it clear that she didn’t think me having feelings for my student made me a bad person, but she was worried about the repercussions of it getting out.
