I stayed with him because a boring sex life felt like a shallow reason to leave the man I’d spent the last six years with. Our mothers are best friends and had already decided we were getting married. We had a good life. It wasn’t perfect but it could be enough.
But I want more than enough.
I deserve to be full.
I deserve to feel good.
Kwame makes me feel good.Andhe lives in California.
I don’t know his last name and he doesn’t know mine.
It’s the perfect set up.
I gaze at myself appraisingly. I look, in my late thirties, like I did inmy late twenties. I have nothing to be self-conscious about. I look good as hell.
I’ve been more turned on during our conversation than I’ve been in longer than I can remember. I’m not going to overthink it.
I walk back to the table unsure what I’m hoping will happen when I get there. I want to do this but I don’t know if I should.
I’m vulnerable.
He’s a seasoned professional in the art of seduction. He might turn me out and then have me thinking about him for the rest my life.
My gut is knotted with indecision when I slide
“Are you okay?” Kwame asks. “You look like something is wrong.”
I nod. “I had to use the bathroom. Something went down the wrong way.”
“Are you sure that’s all? You’ve been smiling all night. And now you look like you want to kill someone”
“This is how I normally look. I had too much to drink before dinner,” I say and smile.Sober me knows better than to smile at men like you.
“Sorry, what?” He leans away like I shoved him, his brows drawn together in confusion. “Men like me?”
I grimace and wish I could disappear. “Did I say that out loud?”
“Yes. You did,” he says with an expectant look.
“You should ignore me.”
“Impossible. And now I’m curious. What kind of man do you think I am?”
“Ugh, Kwame. I misspoke.” I take a sip of water and look around the room. “This place is nice right?”
“I don’t think you misspoke. But if you can’t stand behind your thoughts, that’s cool.”
I take the blatant bait and slap my napkin down. “Okay, you asked for it. You’re tall, handsome, Black, you’re not broke, you’re charming, well-dressed, well-spoken, interesting, thoughtful.”
“And those are bad things?”
“Of course not. But obviously you know how attractive those things are to a lot of women and you use them to your advantage.”
“Tell me more about myself since you know me so well.”
“First, you seemed shocked that I didn’t notice you today. You asked me to dinner out of nowhere because rejection, at least from women, isn’t something you’re used to or expect.”
“Is confidence a crime?”
