“Oh yes, I do. I’m not going to listen you to talk about another woman all night if you’re not going to at least make me come.” She grins and sticks out her tongue, but her eyes tell a different story. I should have done this months ago.
“Listen Lo…”
“Spare me.” She gets to her feet. “We want different things and have always been better friends than lovers. That’s it.”
I stand and put an arm on her shoulder. “I’m sorry if I sent mixed signals.”
She’s quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry if I made things with yourmystery woman complicated.”
I cast a suspicious glance at her. “You are?” Apologies from her are few and far between.
She presses a hand to her chest. “Of course. I want to make things right. I can talk to her for you.”
My gut twists at the prospect of Sin and Lo having a conversation. “Let me see if I can get her to talk tomefirst.”
She pats my shoulder. “Give her time.”
“I hope you’re right.” I return my unseeing gaze to the fire and try to decide how best to proceed.
Her phone pings. “Okay, I’m out of here.”
“’Night,” I reply absently. She brushes a kiss on the top of my head and heads into the house.
What a shit show.
And a wake-up call.
What am I going to do?
I wonder if she’s run a reverse address search on the house and what she’s thinking and what she’ll do once she knows who my father is. If she’ll give me a chance to explain that the only Kwame I wanted her to hear, see, or know is the one I get to be on Sundays.
How do I explain that I didn’t intend to deceive them?
I told myself that there was no harm in not telling them who I really was.
I only saw them a few hours a week.
No harm, no foul.
Until last Sunday, I believed it.
But over the course of the week that’s followed, I found myself facing an existential crisis.
These two worlds don’t fit together. The one I want to live in feels like a pipe dream, rusted and full of holes.
Or is it?
For the first few weeks, I was firm in my determination to ignore my attraction to her. Even when her lingering gazes made me think she was feeling it, too. But that wall stayed up and firmly intact.
At least that’s what I thought, even when I was prepared to shoot my shot.
Whatever else went wrong tonight, I’m no longer uncertain about where I stand. She wants me. I never thought I’d see the day, but it was clear as a mirror—Sin wasjealous.
The glimmer of gratification quickly dies when I recall the hurt inher eyes as she left.
I shouldn’t have invited Paloma over. Not when I was feeling so fucking sorry for myself and drinking.
Tired and ready to put a period on today, I extinguish the fire pit and go inside.
