Tears misted Jessa’s eyes. “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely.”
“What’ll your girlfriend think?”
I played dumb. “Who?”
Jessa rolled her eyes. “Merci?”
“Merci’s not my girlfriend. We just share Chaos because we found her together.”
Jessa looked at me doubtfully. “But you like her.”
I kept my expression neutral. “Merci and I are just friends.”
“Sure. Friends,” Jessa said, unconvinced.
I leveled a gaze at my sister in challenge.
“I think you have a crush on her. You’re in love with her,” she said, drawing out her words in a teasing tone. “You want to marry her.” Jessa mimed kissing.
I narrowed my eyes. “You’re a menace.”
Jessa grinned. “I know.”
“Let’s change the subject. What color do you want to paint your room?”
“Wait. You already have a place? And I get to pick the color?” She nearly jumped in the air in excitement.
“My friend, Eva, owns the place, and she said we could pick.”
“Hot pink,” Jessa said confidently.
I grimaced.
“Too much?”
“Choose whatever you want, but you’re stuck with it until you go to college. I’m not repainting it in three months just because you got tired of living in Barbie hell.”
“Hm, good point. I should choose something calming. Like lavender.”
“Whatever you want. While you’re at it, pick out some furniture online and text me links to what you like.”
“How do you have money for all this?” Jessa asked. She shifted uncomfortably, like she didn’t really want the answer.
“Nothing bad,” I assured. “I’ve lived above the clubhouse for years. Haven’t spent money other than buying a new bike every time I crash one.”
“Every time you crash one? How many times have you crashed a bike?”
“Doesn’t matter. My reckless days are over now.”
“Somehow I doubt that.” Her tone was light and teasing, but her eyes lingered on me with an emotion I couldn’t place. Like she saw through my bullshit and didn’t know what to do with it. Neither did I.
I’d never been anyone’s safety net before. The idea scared the shitout of me. But not enough to make me back down. It wasn’t that I thought I’d be good at being a de facto parent, just that walking away wasn’t an option. Jessa needed an adult in her life, and I was about to be the only one left standing.
In a matter of days, the entire trajectory of my life had shifted. And, while it’d be an adjustment, I was ready to embrace it. My life would be less partying at the clubhouse and more homework. Jessa was too old for playdates, but I imagined I’d be keeping an eye on her and her friends. Making sure she came home safe. Got good grades. And, fuck, there would be boys. That thought alone made my stomach clench. I could already picture some punk trying to charm her while I threatened to make him disappear if he hurt her.
Maybe I didn’t know what the hell I was doing with my life, but for the first time, I wanted to figure it out.
