“What the actualhell?” I screeched, as every inch of him was covered in flames. When the fire died down, he was back in his own form, naked and horny. I mean, with horns.
I was back to being awkward, and quite frankly, a little spark of fear was still churning in my gut. He’d helped me out with Frank, but maybe it was because he wanted Frank to go away so he could stab me in the heart and eat me.
“Uh, so you’ll be going now?”
The demon laid down on my couch. “I thought I might just have a look around. See what everyone is always gushing about when they talk about the mortal realm.” His nose twitched. “I can smell your fear, human. It is unnecessary. I do not intend on doing anything to your person.”
A wave of relief was chased by a small spark of disappointment. I didn’t want to examine that small emotion too closely, but I was self-aware enough to know it had something to do with the fact he was packing a small baseball bat down there.
“Um, okay, that’s good. Will you be leaving my apartment then?”
He shrugged, tipping his head back so his shaggy black hair hung over the arm of my couch. “Where would I go? Eventually, they will come and take me back. But first, I think I’d like to live a little. What do you say?”
“No dismembering? No blood-letting of any kind? You aren’t allowed to, uh, take advantage of me?” I blushed, feeling like a damn idiot. Who said shit like that? Plus, he was a demon. Demons could definitely lie. Maybe tomorrow I’d be nothing but parts, and the demon could be dry-humping my dismembered elbow like a terrier on a fire hydrant. But I didn’t think so, and if I was wrong, then I’d be dead anyway.Whatevs.
“I’ll be a perfect angel,” he said, showing his sharp teeth once more. I shuddered, and he ruined his scary visage by giggling. Like an actual tee-hee.
Fuck it.This was worth it just so Frank could run back to Cade and tell him I was shacking up with a hot dude who had a python for a dick.
“Okay, you can stay. Do you have a name?”
“Ukobach,” he murmured. The way he pronounced it, the end sound was like you were trying to spit while someone stuck a red hot poker up your butt. I wasn’t sure I could imitate that sound.
“That’s a pretty name. Can I just call you Uko, though? Wouldn’t want to mess up the pronunciation and accidentally summon your brother too.”
He gave a short, humorless laugh. “You wouldn’t want to summon him. He’s an asshole.” He was eyeing my naked legs again, and I wondered if I should go and put on some yoga pants. I mean, it was basically just a semblance of decency, but as we’d already discovered, it was the thought that counted.
Ah, screw it. Too late now.
“Well, Uko. I think I might go to bed now.”
He stood and rolled his shoulders. “Lead the way, human.”
“Uh. No. One, my name is Elsie. Me Elsie, you Uko. Two, I’m going to bed alone.” That last bit was for Ukoandmy errant vagina, who’d suddenly perked up at the idea of going to bed with the anaconda.
Apparently, demons could pout and do cute eyes. You know the ones? Like an anime character, all big and black and sparkly?
I felt myself waver and gave my lady cave a mental smack on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.No, that’s a bad Cave of Wonder. Bad!
I raced to the linen press, threw a pillow and blanket at the still pouting demon, then locked myself in my room. Tomorrows hangover was going to be a nightmare, but maybe the demon in my living room was just a bad dream?
CHAPTER
TWO
The demon wasn’ta bad dream, but the hangover was definitely a nightmare. The nakedness was still a wonderful reality. His nakedness. Not mine. I’d gotten completely puritanical-nun-level clothed this morning, just in case. I’d even put on one of those annoying onesie leotard things with snap fasteners in the crotch—which were great, if you were stick thin and had no boobs. But if you had full breasts, fabulous thick thighs and a complete lack of coordination, then you needed to think twice before trying to take that bad boy off. You were working blind down there, and snap fasteners weren’t fun at the best of times.
I crept down the hall to find Uko eating my coffee straight out of the bag. Horrified, I watched him throw another handful into his mouth. “No!” I yelled, launching myself across the kitchen counter toward the remaining portion of my stupidly expensive coffee beans. “What are you doing?”
He tilted his head left, then right, blinking way too much. “IGOTHUNGRYSOITHOUGHTI’DTRYSOMEOFYOURFOODANDIT’SDELICIOUS.” He bounced on the balls of his feet, twitching like a crack addict. So caffeine affected demons. Goodto know. Still, I couldn’t let him be sacrilegious with my single-origin.
“No, Uko!” I pried the bag from his fingers. “Let me show you.”
Fifteen minutes later, I was placing a steaming cup of coffee in his hand, with a touch of creamer. Stepping back, I watched him take his first sip. His eyes went wide, his mouth dropping open slightly. “It is sogood.” Then he downed the entire thing in one mouthful, despite it being scaldingly hot. “More?” He held it out to me.
“How are you not writhing in pain right now?” I asked, carefully pouring him another cup. “Sip this one, okay?”
He nodded, letting out a sigh when he took the first sip. I knew the feeling. “I’m a fire demon. We don’t get burnt. Plus, you know, I live in Hell. A little hot drink isn’t going to cause me mortal injury.”
