The doctor gave permission for Peregrine to travel within the week, bringing this stressful time in Charlotte’s life to an end. To date, she had managed to protect her secret. A knot of tension had taken up permanent residence in her chest, and her conscience plagued her entirely too much.
It was for the best, she kept reminding herself.
No harm would come to Aurelia if she stayed with her mother a little longer.
Charlotte bit into her bottom lip as she considered her daughter’s future. Perhaps it would be beneficial for her to take the place of the child of the earl. Or perhaps he had other children who would look upon a child born out of wedlock with scorn. Huffing a sigh, Charlotte agonized over what would be the best decision. She was not afraid to admit she was beyond her bearing.
A cup of tea and a treat would settle her mind, or her stomach at least.
She could think better when she wasn’t hungry.
Ringing for Aamina, she requested tea be delivered to the drawing room and sat to consider all her options. Above all, it was imperative for her daughter to be happy. Aurelia was her mostimportant priority. Perry’s presence had inserted a new concern into her mind that would not let her be.
Did she have a sound plan for Aurelia’s future? They couldn’t both be gone from society forever. A young girl just out of the nursery, where would her daughter go? Though Charlotte could see to her education, there was so much more Aurelia could have access to if she was the acknowledged child of an earl. Dance tutors, language instructors, and socialization with peers of her own age. If she was socially accepted and acknowledged, of course. It seemed a crime to deprive her daughter of those things, simply because she was afraid to face thetonagain.
To atone for her absence.
To hear the opinions and stories people would invent in reaction to her reappearance. The thought of them judging Aurelia, an innocent child, filled her with fear. Her daughter hadn’t made poor decisions and couldn’t be blamed for her mother’s weakness, and yet, she would suffer the harshest punishment for being born out of wedlock. Any return to society would be riddled with pitfalls. Her family would be shamed for the secret they had hidden for all these years. The gossips would feed on little tidbits of scandal for months, if not years. Aurelia would face scorn from society. Was Charlotte strong enough to face the consequences of her actions? Fearing she was not, she looked up with relief when Aamina entered the room with a tea tray filled with finger sandwiches, tarts, and tiny cakes, as well as a steaming pot of tea. Used to confiding in Aamina, she turned to her lady’s maid for counsel. Aamina understood as well as her what it was like to be a vulnerable child, though the circumstances of her childhood were greatly different.
“Aamina?”
“Yes, Miss Charlotte?” her maid replied.
“Do you think I am wrong in keeping the child from the earl? I am beginning to fear I misjudged the situation and would bepreventing Aurelia from future prospects if I keep her hidden any longer.”
Aamina placed the tray on the table next to Charlotte and began to pour her a cup.
“Please,” Charlotte pleaded. “Join me. I am in need of a friend.”
The maid had always been a source of comfort for Charlotte, ever since Aamina followed Charlotte in her escape to the country. The circumstances had never mattered to Aamina, but it meant everything to Charlotte.
Aamina dusted her hands off on her apron and poured a second cup. Once her maid was seated, Charlotte placed a cake on her own small plate and waited for the other woman to speak.
“I believe ‘tis up to you, ma’am. She is a lovely child and having an earl for a father would benefit her greatly, though there are certain inescapable realities when one is born out of wedlock.” The maid shook her head and took a sip of her tea. “’Tis a great shame. The child deserves no such scorn. She is innocent in all this.”
Charlotte flushed, Aamina’s words making her confront the harsh realities of her actions in the past. She had no regrets and would never change how Aurelia had come into her life. But the consequences of her actions as a young woman were harsh and made her fearful.
“Would it be safer then, to keep her here in the country to live out her life?”
“Safer for whom? Or better for whom, I would ask? There are things that we cannot provide for her out here,” Aamina said. “If you believe there is a possibility the earl would acknowledge her, I would venture to say the risk is worth it.”
Casting her gaze down to her hands, Charlotte huffed.
Deep in her heart, she believed Peregrine would do the right thing by both of them.
Which was why she was so reluctant to tell him the truth.
There were other implications to him knowing all that hadhappened to her so many years ago. What if he forced her to marry him? He was already speaking about making things right and she had no idea if she even wanted to be a wife. Having spent so long thinking that would never happen to her, it was overwhelming to discover the possibility was within her reach. It was a dream that she believed would never come true.
Such a dream came with certain costs.
“Aamina, I am so unsure. What if he takes her away from me?” Tears gathered in Charlotte’s eyes. She attempted to blink them away unsuccessfully.
“The earl seems like a good man. And perhaps I am wrong, but I believe he cared for you deeply in the past, if I understand the story correctly. Your meetings were quite clandestine.”
Charlotte sniffed, taking a handkerchief offered by the maid and dabbing at her eyes. “Yes, he cared for me once. Though I cannot say how deeply. He did marry another.”
In their time together, Perry had never spoken words of love. Theirs was a deep affection, a friendship. Was it love? Charlotte couldn’t be certain.
