His reputation was quickly disintegrating. The marriage he had made to please the demands of his rank and to set himself up for the future had been an abject failure in most ways, save that it had left him with a fortune and some property to his name. Lately, he could barely bring himself to enjoy his wealth and appreciated his loyal, hardworking servants for maintaining his grand home in Hampstead Heath while he indulged his misery.
It surprised him that Bodmin would have any issues, given his brother’s high standards for hiring servants and maintaining the appearance and quality of their status in the higher echelons of society. He was reluctant to return to the haunting memories that lingered like ghosts floating about the luxurious estate. Perry despaired revisiting the past, awakening regrets and bitterness that he had suppressed until now.
Another failure to add to his long list.
His fist tightened around the papers as he strode toward the door.
A visceral stab of longing passed through his body and he braced himself against the pain. For a man who had everything he could possibly want at his fingertips, it irked him to never possess the one thing— the one person—he desired most.
Well, he did have her. The sweetest, most tempting woman he could ever have imagined. Memories of their time together plagued him—reminding him of how close he had once come to true happiness. Or at least what he imagined happiness must feel like.
But they were only passing flashes from a time long ago.
They were not real.
The way she came into his life and left so quickly reminded him that happiness was a curse and that it was fleeting. He was doomed to never feel such perfect bliss again.
Chapter Three
It was only a few days’ ride to Bodmin. Of course, a man of his status could have made use of the Bridgewater fleet of luxury carriages to arrive at his destination, but Perry refused such comforts.
He welcomed the pain as he mounted the horse that morning, his body weary from a sleepless night at a noisy inn and long days in the saddle. The air had changed; the faintly sweet scent of turned earth and lush fields ripe with crops, made him indulge in a few deep inhales that were already turning his mood. Though he would never tell Beau, the country air filled him with a lightness he hadn’t felt in ages. The separation from the ills of the city, the dark underworld that begged for each ounce of coin and dignity one was willing to relinquish, was strengthening.
His rakish phase had been short-lived, but it had been healing. To be free. Not surrounded by the pall of disdain, and later by the lingering illness which plagued his wife. As a second son, Eliza had always perceived him as the lesser man. Her father, the Earl of Winchester, had been desperate to link his family to the Bridgewater dukedom. The prestige and status provided by his family’s legacy. Not him.
Perry and Beau were raised knowing their roles in society. To uphold the family name, enhance their property holdings, and gorge on more wealth than one could ever enjoy in a lifetime. With great pain, Perry had toed the line. Even when life had presented him with an alternative.
Tugging on his horse’s reins, he guided Mercury, his black thoroughbred, down the road that would at last bring them to Bodmin. It was time to forget the possibilities that never came to fruition. All he had was reality. Perry would be the equivalent of a spy in his brother’s household, trying to uncover what suspicious activity had been transpiring underneath the duke’s nose.
He chuckled, feeling like a fool.
His brother should have investigated the mystery himself. Alas no. Like an assassin, his brother had set his sights on him. Perry’s restlessness and misbehavior motivated Beau to create a diversion. Send him to the country to allow the rumors to die down. As if more isolation were what he required.
Beauregard was a pleasure killer.
Under the duke’s gaze, there was little time for fun. There were many duties and responsibilities to which he must attend.
The muddy, pockmarked road showed signs of the rain that had fallen over the last few days. Mercury did his best to dodge the holes and traps where he would get stuck. Perry patted his horse, appreciating the time they had been able to spend together on this journey. The only one who could tolerate his gloomy moods and not require him to change his behavior in any way, Mercury was a good companion.
Perry’s pulse quickened as they approached the path that would turn off toward their neighboring estate. Fermoy. He knew the land almost as well as he knew each hill and dip, each field and fence of his own. A copse of trees on either side of the road hid the stately country home, but he knew it was there. His heart could see what his eyes could not. His body reacted to the closeness of the memories, his heart seeming to still in his chest, as though waitingfor something or…someone. He blinked away the sudden onset of emotion. Tears? Surely not. It had been almost a decade since he had set foot on that estate. Her estate.
Clearing his throat, Peregrine continued on the road, the trees providing welcome shade from the blinding afternoon sun, which made his ride both pleasant and sweaty. Arriving at Bodmin fully soaked would have made a less than impressive impact on the servants he hadn’t seen since those perfect summer days he had enjoyed so long ago. His desire was to be as intimidating as possible until he discovered what exactly was going on. With the right bearing, the servants would spill their secrets and hopefully reveal the truth of what was happening on the estate.
A delicate breeze danced through his hair as his chest hollowed out. Perry closed his eyes against the onslaught. In his mind, he could still hear the soft sound of her laugh dancing over the blades of grass and see the sparkle in her warm, honey-brown eyes. He had spent countless hours watching her at first, studying the slope of her nose, the sweet curve of her mouth, the warm cheek he loved to feel in the palm of his hand. Though they had only known each other for a short time, she became important to him. A friend, and eventually… more. If it didn’t hurt so much, he would visit her in his memories more often. But the loss had been devastating.
A corresponding tightening around his heart reminded him not to venture too long into the past; it would only lead to more drink, more careless affairs, more indulgence. Anything to numb the pain. Anything to purge his mind of her image.
Giving his head a shake, Perry opened his eyes, once again alert and living in the present. This was his life now. He had a duty to fulfill, and he would, even if he thought his brother had sent him on a fool’s errand. The road to his family estate was close; he recognized the dip in the trail, the trees growing denser on either side of the road.
A noise in the brush drew his eye to the edge of the cluster of trees. Perhaps a deer had wandered close to the road.
Stopping the horse, he listened.
Silence wove between the trees, unbroken by even the sound of a bird.
Frowning, Perry urged the horse to continue. Mercury’s ears twitched, as though still searching for the source of the noise. Perry reached down to pat him, hoping to calm the startled horse, then straightened in the saddle.
The air stilled around them as a sharp crack resounded through the air, stopping Perry’s breath in his lungs. Fire shot through his shoulder, and he looked down at the source of the pain. A hole in his jacket.
