Perry had never spoken such feelings, even in their youth.
It was a marriage of convenience.
An act that would assure her daughter had the best possible life. Perry had cared for her once, she believed, though she could never be sure. That did not mean those feelings remained after almost a decade of separation and another marriage for him. She hadn’t been the ideal candidate for his wife those many years ago, and she certainly wasn’t now.
Her mother had always been keen to remind her of the many reasons she wasn’t finding a suitor at the many balls she attended. She was quiet, didn’t converse confidently like the other ladies, and when she did, she almost always spoke too much of her own interests. She loved the outdoors, didn’t act like a typical young miss who loved shopping and going on sheltered promenades. Having been trained to use her delightful social skills to make up for what she lacked in ideal beauty, she was always keenly aware that her mother found her wanting in both facets.
Though Perry seemed to find her pleasing, it didn’t mean his interest wouldn’t wane. A marriage of convenience entailed both entering the agreement with their eyes open. There was no love involved, save the strong feelings he felt toward his daughter. Charlotte and Perry enjoyed an easy affection, a friendship. She would do well to never forget the primary reason for the marriage.
Their nuptials were to ease his conscience and erase the wrongsof the past. The earl was a man of honor. Perry had never hinted at harboring any such feelings of love for her, and Charlotte would do best not to forget it. Falling for Perry would be detrimental to her happiness, especially if they ended up living separate lives, as many did of the upper set. He had forgotten about her once; there was no telling if he would do it again. It had taken her so long to push the longing aside so that she could live out her days in the country in peace. She would have to redouble her efforts not to get lost in that world again. Memories tempted her with a love that could swallow her whole and would leave nothing but excruciating pain and longing in its wake.
Her resolve strengthened, she followed Perry into the house. There would be no illusions as she walked down the aisle later that morning in her finest dress. It was a pale pink confection made of silk and lace that she rarely wore. Her mother had brought it along with a selection of dresses during one of her visits. Charlotte had avoided using it since it was too fine for her daily activities. On this day, she was grateful to own it. The lace overlay on the sheer skirt was dainty and made her feel beautiful. Aamina arranged her wavy hair into curls piled atop her head, with a few longer ones coming down and resting on her shoulder. Small roses, including the one Perry had given her, dotted the hairstyle, and Charlotte could almost believe it was Fermoy’s way of blessing their union. Such a foolish thought.
The groom’s eyes shone when she entered the small stone church in the village. Aamina, her faithful maid and closest friend, accompanied her as a witness.
Standing in his navy waistcoat and tan breeches, Charlotte noted that Aurelia had been correct. Perry didn’t look much like a pirate anymore. He was handsome, with his brown hair swept to the side and his face bare. She longed to touch his hair again. A shiver went through her as she stepped up to the altar. DespiteBeauregard and Aamina standing by, the world disappeared as soon as their gazes met. Something inside her locked into place. She was standing exactly where she was meant to be. This wedding might be an arrangement of convenience, but her heart refused to accept that reality.
Ignoring the flutters in her breast, she watched as he placed the signet ring on her finger and spoke the vows. The ring was a temporary solution until they were able to acquire a proper wedding band. The soft intake of breath as the heavy weight was placed around her finger was the only indulgence she would allow herself. She stared at it on her hand, the meaning of it connecting to something deep within her.
Her voice trembled as she spoke the vows, her mind barely able to keep up as she gazed into his warm blue eyes. Though she was confident he was merely performing his duty in marrying her, the way he watched her made her almost believe he was glad for this turn of events.
Giving her head a shake, she corrected herself. The earl was being kind and acting with honor. Perry wanted to make things right. The reminder replayed in her mind as she watched him utter his vows, and she melted a little. Her soft inhale as his face hovered over hers was dizzying, filling her with his familiar scent. His closeness was overwhelming. It took everything in her to squash the hope that filled her chest as the witnesses clapped and smiled. The duke, as well as the servants, seemed just as hopeful as she was.
Her gaze drifted to his hand, clasped over hers as they strolled back to the house for their wedding breakfast. The warmth of his touch felt so right, she could almost believe their marriage would be a happy one. If only she could see inside his mind and know what he was thinking.
There were a few facts that would always be true of her husband.
Her husband.
It seemed so strange to be able to call him that.
Perry was a good man, and he would ensure all her needs were met. If she kept her expectations realistic, she wouldn’t get hurt. Endeavoring to be a good wife, Charlotte accepted all the obligations expected of her with the eagerness befitting a proper countess.
They were both performing a role and fulfilling a duty. If she repeated those words in her mind, perhaps she would live a contented life.
Charlotte prayed she had the strength of character to remember.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
As Charlotte brushed the soft curls from their tangles, removing the pins keeping her style in place, she stared absently in the mirror. She was now Perry’s wife. The Countess of Winchester. Would she be good enough?
Though they had already shared an intimate relationship, Perry had never seen her completely nude. Her long locks cascaded down her back, swishing as she shook them out. It would have to do. Since this was not the kind of wedding preparation that allowed for a full trousseau to be sewn in the weeks leading up to the event, beautiful garments were not made in anticipation of the wedding night. Charlotte selected her most flattering chemise.
She desperately wanted to please her husband.
Her husband.
The word hollowed out the parts of her that longed to be filled with joy and love on this auspicious day. Her wedding day. Though Mrs. Higgins and Aamina offered to help their mistress prepare for the evening, Charlotte had dismissed them, unable to stand the looks of excitement and glee that traveled between them. How could they understand?
She was not a deliriously happy bride. She was giving her child a better life—the life Aurelia was entitled to all along. She offered herself to Perry in exchange for safety and security. A second chance to live the life she was meant to, for the price of a scandal to weather when they returned to society.
Perry would never let her keep the child from him another moment, despite the risks of her re-entry among the upper set in London. From the moment he found her, he adamantly refused to depart from Fermoy and leave her in peace to resume her idyllic life of isolation. Now, her stomach was in knots in anticipation of fulfilling her duties.
Charlotte watched as the gray skies that had developed that afternoon came to deliver the rain they had threatened. A clap of thunder made her shiver. She longed to curl up in her bed and hide.
She rubbed her arms as the evening rain pelted and rejuvenated the bright green grass and the colorful flower beds. The weather had held out for the wedding celebrations, and now the rain fell in a mesmerizing pattern that almost allowed her to forget. She longed to feel that rain on her face, to watch it dapple the leaves in the garden and nourish the land that fed her very soul.
Charlotte jumped as she felt a soft touch on her shoulder. Warmth and longing clattered against the trepidation flooding her body.
