“I wish it could have been different. My prolonged illness made any intervention by Perry impossible. His marriage quelled any chance of him coming to my rescue, beyond making me a social pariah. I chose myself in the end, and I have no regrets. I hope Aurelia will forgive my weakness.” Charlotte cast her gaze away from her mother with a sigh. “I’ve only made her life that much harder with my foolishness.”
Darkness encroached upon her thoughts when she remembered the long days, bedridden and with barely a will to live, when she realized the true seriousness of pregnancy. Staring sightlessly out of her window, the pleasures of her garden still undiscovered. Life was bleak and the days long. Aamina kept her alive during those days. Holding Charlotte as she cried in her comforting embrace. Losing Perry was a blow from which she never thought to recover. Pregnancy was frightening, and she was alone, with no mother to counsel or guide her. Esme had been occupied making sure her disappearance from the newly started season in London drew little suspicion and arranging her sisters’ marriages.
Moving to sit next to Charlotte, a deep sadness painted Esme’s features as she too revisited those memories. Brushing a hand over her daughter’s brow, she clicked her tongue. “You suffered so greatly,” her mother sniffed. “If only I could have helped you more.”
“You and Father did what I asked, and I was content for years. It took me some time to find happiness. Aurelia brought me such joy when she arrived.”
Esme brushed her hands over her skirts, rising to pour them both a cup of tea. “It all turned out in the end, my darling. Your father is happy with the match, as am I. We have only a brightfuture before us.” She reached over and hugged Charlotte before turning back to add a few lumps of sugar to the steaming cups.
Pressing her fingers to her lips, Charlotte suppressed the emotion clogging her throat. There was no turning back.
“Now, wemustdiscuss how we will be preparing you for your new life in the city. You will need to do more interesting things, dear. Go to the theatre, or call upon women of importance to establish relationships; it is imperative that you begin as soon as possible. Your social calendar must be full. There are some who will hesitate to be seen with you, but we must persevere. If a few prominent women of thetonaccept you, then the rest will follow. It will take some time.”
“I understand. Perry and I have discussed the challenges we will face. I am hoping that having the support of the Marchioness of Mandchin and the Duke of Bridgewater will be a boon to us. My husband is close to his siblings.”
Her mother studied her face and gave a small gasp. “Your complexion seems to have suffered greatly from life in the country. Have you not been using the bleaching creams I sent you?”
Charlotte rolled her eyes. “I saw no need for great beautification when I was living alone in the country and never seeing a soul save Aurelia and the servants…”
“Well, surely you saw no need for bonnets either,” her mother noted sharply. “We will have to remedy the situation immediately. I’ll have my lady’s maid prescribe a regimen for you and give the information to Aamina. There is much to be done. Dresses, hair, gloves, a wedding trousseau, perhaps? Better late than never, I say… The earl has ample resources to give you the most glamorous introduction into society. People have already been talking. They’re dying to know see you and find out how you snagged the earl, all the titillating details of your courtship. I’ve been telling every hungry gossip I know that it is a true love match. Your first presentation will be extremely important. It will dictate your successful integration back into society.”
“Mama, please. I am only just recovered from our carriage accident. I will attend to all your recommendations. First, I want to be sure we are all well.”
Esme pursed her lips and nodded slowly. “And the beauty regimen?”
“I will follow it perfectly, Mama. I understand the responsibility to represent my newfound status. I would not disappoint thetonmore than I have already with the scandal of our quick marriage and the appearance of a child born out of wedlock. We will protect Aurelia from the gossips, of course, but some damage will be done. That much, I understand,” Charlotte admitted.
Her mother’s eyes began to fill with tears, and she dabbed at her eyes with her napkin. “Oh, I am so glad you have returned to us, my dear. There was a great hole in our lives when you left. And yes, I kept busy helping your sisters navigate their entry into society, but you were constantly on my mind.”
Blinking away her own tears at her mother’s display of emotion, Charlotte clasped her mother’s hand and squeezed. She had missed her family immensely as well. Their visits had helped quell the loneliness, but there was nothing like having her family right there, a short carriage ride away.
“I hope to see my dear sisters soon. I have not spent much time with them or their husbands over the years.”
“Yes, and your nieces and nephews. Though I find your brother Walter quite exasperating. I’ve begged your brother to return from his travels and begin the process of marrying and fathering his own children, but I can hardly get a reply to my letters from him. He fancies himself quite the world traveler. Your father has coddled him by letting him shirk his responsibilities for the last year. I grow impatient to see all my children married.”
“I fear I am hardly an example, seeing as it took me this long to be settled. My time in the country allowed me to evade my own interactions with society. I only hope my reintroduction won’tbring too much shame upon us. Walter will have fewer choices in a bride if that is the case.”
“You will do wonderfully, my dear. Especially with me to guide you.” Her mother gave her a heart-warming smile and patted her hand. “Yes, you will do well. Perkins can bring us a balm to remove these dratted sunspots. You look like a perfect little bumpkin. And some more fashionable hairstyles will do wonders.” Esme cupped Charlotte’s face affectionately.
Wincing at the reminder that she was so far from society’s ideal, Charlotte eyed her plate of pastries. “Thank you. I’ll make sure to erase any signs of my old life as much as I can.” Charlotte gave a small, humorless laugh.
Her mother turned away with a wave of her hand, taking a sip from her teacup. “If you don’t mind my prying, how is married life? Are you two getting on well?” her mother inquired, raising a brow. “He is kind to you?”
Discomfited by her mother’s scrutiny, Charlotte reached for a biscuit and took a nibble. “It is fine. We married for a very specific reason. I am content with our arrangement,” Charlotte explained, avoiding her mother’s gaze.
“Well, since your relationship has followed its own path, we never had the chance to speak of your marital duties. You know, the expectations of a wife and all that…”
“I am well versed in these obligations, Mother. If you recall, I did not come to this marriage as an untouched bride.” Charlotte flushed at the admission.
“Yes, but I would not have my daughter unhappy. You must tell me things are well between you… physically. A simple nod will do if you find this topic too titillating for a Tuesday afternoon.” Esme fanned her face with her hand, clearly embarrassed by the question, but too nosy to keep silent.
Pressing her lips together, Charlotte suppressed a cough. She nodded, unable to form the words.
“Good. A woman must not suffer the attentions of a man if he fulfills his duties well,” her mother tittered at the comment.
Relief flooded her when Esme put a piece of cake in her mouth and chewed thoughtfully. This afternoon’s tea turned interrogation was draining.
“I am not suffering at all,” she admitted, to further appease her mother.
