“Well, after I had a chance to cool down and kick the shit out of something”—I tilt my head in the direction of the hanging bag—“I realized that I was no better, when I was keeping something from you too. As for Marcus not coming out? Listen, you’d just have to know his parents. He and I practically grew up in each other’s houses. Both of his parents areincrediblyold school and strict, but his father is especially scary to undermine. I’d be terrified of coming out to either of them too.”
“That’s terrible,” Caleb signs. “I guess I just always lived in this fantasy bubble where everyone had family as accepting as mine…”
“Unfortunately for Marcus, that’s not the case. That’s why when we moved, we chose to start fresh in a completely new state—somewhere just far enough to be out of their line of sight during our day-to-day lives, but still close enough for Brody to see his grandparents from time-to-time. We chose Maine because I’d camped here with my family once when I was younger, and Marcus’ dad was stationed in Brunswick for a bit back when Marcus waslittlelittle. He and I both loved the idea of living on the coast.”
“Funny how we were all drawn to the same place here in Ternbay,” Caleb notes.
I snort. “It is, I guess, if you believe in fate and all that shit.”
He smirks. “I actually do.”
“Oh, seriously? Shoot, my bad,” I say, wincing.
I see his throat bob, as if he’s chuckling and I just can’t hear it. Pity too, because I’ve wondered a lot about what Caleb’s voice once sounded like. I imagine him having a deep timbre. Something husky and gravely—a sharp contrast to Marcus’ lighter pitch.
He signs, “Don’t worry about it. My mom’s a yoga instructor and reads Tarot on the side. She’s big on auras and chakras—energies and fate. If you’re into incense, she’s got one for every mood. My sister, Nat, is big into it now too. Me? I burn incense only to cover up the smell when Cam forgets to change out Pepper’s litter box… but I do believe in fate.”
I giggle, and Caleb reaches out hesitantly before he tucks a stray lock of my hair behind my ear. “There it is.”
“There what is?” I ask, my eyes darting around the room.
“That beautiful smile of yours.”
“Oh,” I croak, my cheeks suddenly feeling quite warm.
“I was hoping to get one out of you at the picnic I had planned for tonight, down at this private little section of beach that I know of…”
“Oh, I,uhm, I guess I kind of ruined that, now didn’t I?”
He shakes his head. “I still have the picnic basket in my car, and the beach never closes for business. If we hurry, we might still be able to catch the fireworks.”
“I’m a sweaty, stinky mess,” I admit.
“From where I’m sitting, you look like a strong, attractive woman. I may not be close enough yet, but I can’t smell you from here either.”
I roll my eyes. “I usually have a change of clothes in my car, and there are showers here. Are you okay with giving me a minute to freshen up?”
“Hey, I’m just happy you’re still agreeing to go out with me tonight after all this. Take whatever time you need.”
And there are those green flags, back all over again. New this time are the butterflies in my belly, because there’s someoneelseout there who knows my trauma, and he didn’t back away, knowing that getting me out of my shell might just take a lot of work. Shit, could his woo-woo fate stuffactuallybe real?
Chapter Nine
Igrab the picnic basket, along with my special flashlight, and guide Lauren down to the desolate parcel of shoreline I had in mind for tonight. It’s after dark now, quite a bit later than I had planned on bringing her out here, but at this point, I’m just glad she agreed to come at all.
I knew I should have told her about Marcus and me on our second or even third date, since he and I have been working together for the past two weeks now, but the right time to bring it up never seemed to present itself. I’m really kicking myself in the ass for it because not only do I have a far better understanding of why Marcus broke things off between us the way he did—which I probably should apologize for—but also because it almost cost me this budding relationship I have with Lauren.
Now I understand her hesitancy when it comes to dating. I can’t properly define what an honor it is that she trusts me enough to take her out to someplace so private and with food Iprepared myself at home, especially with her knowing that I hid something from her. It may be hard for me to give her parts of me that I’ve only recently managed to bury deep, but I know that I’ve got to face those fears in order to continue moving forward. She deserves that much, at the very least. Complete honesty and unguarded communication going forward. That’s the only way we’ll be able to navigate this, if her intention is to proceed with whateverthisis.
I give her a hand climbing down off a larger rock and find a sandy enough section to lay out the blanket. “So, full-disclosure, I prepared this meal at home. If you’d like, I can totally sample everything first, so you know it’s safe. I did bring bottled water, thankfully.”
She shakes her head. “I trust you, Caleb,” she signs to me her response—a gesture I’m choosing to take as she’s speaking my adopted language to be fully transparent.
My heart nearly bursts at that. Most don’t take the time to respond on the same level at which I speak, likely for convenience. Lauren doesn’t strike me as the type to sacrifice convenience for earnestness though.
We sit and eat, comfortably taking in the night around us. There are noises from across the cove, evidence of the Fourth of July celebration taking place in town, but it’s not loud enough to drown out the sound of the gentle waves crashing on the shore or the ding of bell buoys in the distance. Anytime now, I anticipate the start of the fireworksdisplay.
“You made this potato salad yourself?” Lauren finally asks, swiping at the corners of her mouth with her thumb.
