“I was heartbroken after what happened between you and me for a long time,” he signs, then sighs. “I finally found love again, and with that love came Cameron, Aaron’s son from a previous relationship. I adopted Cam when he was eleven, on mine and Aaron’s wedding day.”
“Where’s your husband now?” I ask him, still thoroughly befuddled.
“Last I knew? In a coma, under his parents’ care at their house. I’m not allowed to go anywhere near him. They’re his POA’s now, and they filed for divorce, on his behalf, to make it so I couldn’t have any contact with him.” His head dips low and a lone tear drips onto the bench between us. He doesn’t look up as he adds, “They blame me for everything. I blame me for everything.”
I tilt his chin back up. He blinks at me, his eyelids brimming with more tears that are practically begging to be shed. “What happened, Caleb?” I ask him.
“We went on a skiing-snowboarding trip for our one year anniversary. There was an avalanche—you probably heard about it on the news, if you watch it at all—up on Mount Washington.”
My jaw nearly scrapes the picnic table. “You were the Caleb who got a ski pole—”
“In the throat, yes,” he confirms, running the pad of his thumb over the scar. “Aaron was the one who would never get to experience life outside of a hospital bed in his childhood bedroom again.”
“Oh fuck, Caleb,” I choke out. “I’m so sorry.”
When he reaches for me, I don’t even hesitate before encircling my arms around him and pulling him to me tightly. “Baby, I’m so fuckin’sorry,” I croak as he silently sobs in my arms—his body convulsing in waves of sorrow in my hold.
I cradle him in my arms, letting him cry everything out, unsure of what to say to console him, for many minutes. Perhaps there’s nothing I can say, really. I know, just as much as everyone else here at this campsite, that words—whether spoken from our mouths or our hands—sometimes aren’t enough. We just need to let one anotherfeelthe emotions.
Right now, the emotion I’m feeling is love. Not in the kind of way that leads to bedroom escapades, but the kind of love one feels for another rooted deep within their soul. The kind of love I feel for Lauren, only—different. Unique to him, because he isn’t her. He carries his own trauma, his own grief. The pull to want to comfort him, to help carry him through it, is very much the same, however.
When he peers back up at me, I tell him, “You didn’t cause that accident, Caleb. I know it doesn’t feel that way to you right now, but you cannot blame yourself for something that was a freak of nature occurrence.”
“That’s not how Aaron’s parents see it.”
“Well, then fuck them. Seriously, that’s some bullshit. What do we have to do to get him back? Take them to court or something?”
He nods. “I had garbage representation before because of the language barrier, and the fact that I was going through my own recovery and grief.”
“Yeah, but now—”
“Now, it’s an issue of money. Lauren offered to help find me a better lawyer and even to help interpret, if need be.”
Of course she would, because that’s the type of woman Lauren is. Selfless. All tough-exterior and bravado, but when you really get toknow her, she’s caring and compassionate on the inside—that dark rose that she is.
I reach up and cup his cheek. His eyes flick down to study our point of connection. “Look at me, Caleb.” His eyes meet mine. “You and me? We’re more than just bros who just fuck around on the side, do you hear me? I am your partner now, and as your partner, we will make something happen. I hate seeing you suffering, and I want to help any way that I can.”
He blinks at me for a couple of beats. Then, he lifts his hands. “Then just love me. Actually love me. No more half-ass platitudes that make what you and I have seem just about the sex. I want true partnership with you, Marcus. I want it just as badly as what Lauren and I have been cultivating. No more holding back because you think it’s what’s safe.”
My free hand comes up to brace the other side of his jaw, tugging his lips to mine. We melt together, throwing caution into the wind. Our mouths reuniting not as old friends as before, but blossoming into something totally new, since it seems all our truths are now out on the table. Our tongues slip past one another, dancing. It’s a tango we’ve practiced many times prior, but now there are a few new steps. Profound promises of a future together—to love one another in a way I was too hesitant to allow myself to feel before.
This kiss tastes like freedom. Like being reborn. Same skin, new man. One who has the capability of loving more than one person this deeply, this intensely, and who can now accept that this is his new reality. I am—and probablywas, but too scared to admit it—in love with Caleb.
Only, I don’t get the chance to tell him as much before suddenly, the sound of a zipper being tugged at causes us to break apart quickly. Caleb slides backwards quickly, adjusting himself before he stands andgrabs the coffee grinder. I slip my leg over the bench and face away from whomever is emerging out of Brody and Cameron’s tent, in an attempt to cover up my own little situation.
And goddamn, for the first time in my life, I find that I can’t wait for tonight. For us to tell the boys so we can be open about our whole truth. Nowthatsounds amazing.
Chapter Fifteen
Now that we’re back from rafting down the river—something Ithoughtwas going to beakin to a lazy river, not the mild rapids we’d encountered (thanks forthat, Caleb)—I’m sprawled out on a flatish rock, working on my tan a little as everyone else is splashing around in the water surrounding me. My eyes are buttoned shut, and I’m just taking in all the laughter and chattering from the boys as they SIMCOM with one another. I figure Marcus must be exclusively signing to Caleb because they're suspiciously quiet at the moment, but since we all woke up this morning, they’ve been non-stop interacting with one another. I can’t imagine they’ve gone tepid again now that we’ve returned.
This. I could bask in this forever. Carefree, without a single fuck to give about what’s going on outside of our little bubble.
No fretting about how the administration at work seems to have caught on that something has been going on between Caleb and me. I figure someone at the hospital must have seen us being flirty with one another after one of his PT appointments. It sucks, but we’ve had to monitor ourselves a little more closely, pretending that all we’vegot going on is strictly professional and wait until the end of our days to resume all activity that is very much unprofessional.
While we haven’t had sex yet—I’m still working my way up to that—I’ve certainly become more accustomed to his touch and his affections. Intrinsically, I know that having sex isn’t the end-goal of any relationship—there are perfectly satisfiedasexualpeople out there, for crying out loud—but I am choosing to look at finally giving myself over to Caleb as if it is a milestone that I’ve hit a threshold of trust with him that I thought was only possible with my husband before. I’m getting glimpses of that being the case with my boyfriend too.
Need some pudding to find the proof in? Whenever Caleb and I kiss these days, there’s a little more groping involved, and I don’t find myself recoiling away from it. No, in fact, I lean into it more.
