“Oh, you know.” I give him a tight smile. “As well as can be.”
He pulls me in for a quick hug, thankfully not clinging for long. “You didn’t text me the other night, but you made it back safe? With that guy?”
“Yes, I was just fine with Calder. Perfectly safe.”Among other things.I table my annoyance with Tanner. He carved time out to pay his respects. “Thanks for coming. I appreciate it.”
I don’t bother to see how he reacts as I continue down the aisle. Ben flashes me an understanding smile. I’m bolstered to see him. He didn’t know Holly well, but he and Declan stayed to support me.
The seating arrangements changed while I was in the receiving line. Bea is next to Esme and Carlos. Molly and Brenner didn’t really know Holly, so they’re gone, leaving Sawyer and me alone in our pew. She takes the outside this time while James checks in with me to make sure everything’s going okay.
No. It’s not. I woke up alone this morning, and that burned. A stark reminder that what Calder gave me last night was a release and nothing more. Even with Sawyer right next to me, I feel even more alone. I squeeze my eyes shut. If one tear falls, I won’t be able to stop. This may be a funeral, but I don’t want to sob in front of anyone.
A cedar-and-citrus cloud surrounds me. My hands are engulfed in a big, warm grip that can do wicked things in thedark—and probably in the blazing light too. My eyelids flutter open just as Sawyer stiffens on my other side.
“What in the world?” she says under her breath.
Calder’s next to me, and it’s not just him. A disgruntled Bowen sits next to him, and a stoic Landry is at the end.
All three of them?
As if reading my mind, Calder dips his head so his mouth is close to my ear. “Can’t have the grapevine die out.”
This will make it blaze.
Bowen glances over, and there’s real compassion swimming in his eyes. “I really am sorry for your loss.”
Shocked, I don’t have a response. Since his reaction to me and Calder at the brewery, he hasn’t talked to me. His condolences are unexpected.
Landry’s gaze runs over his brother then jumps to me. He’s a cold man, but deep in his eyes is an old pain that mirrors what’s going through me. “We all know how much this sucks. I’m sorry.”
“It really does suck.” My brows have to be in my hairline. Like Calder, they don’t want to like me, but they understand all too well how hard today is. “Thank you.” I can barely get the words out. Emotions bang in my brain for release, but my walls hold firm—just today.
I have to get through today, and now Calder is here, I just might be okay.
TWENTY-FIVE
MEREDITH
More people turn out for the reception than the funerals. Several people bring food, as if they knew we couldn’t have possibly prepared enough. We need it all.
Now the funerals and the graveside services are done, I feel lighter, but also empty. My future is completely unknown. It’s been a week since Ransom and Holly died, but it’s like I’ve been waiting years to know what’s coming next. Maybe I have. Maybe I’ve known the brothers could return at any time and I’d fade into the background since I was thirteen. But they didn’t come back, and I knew what my role was until now.
I’m worn out from making small talk. I can’t rush around serving beer, so I’ve been going table to table talking to former classmates, other landowners, customers, and our nice neighbors, the Millers. Ben and Declan just left, and now I’m at a table visiting with my old history teacher and the owner of Ritter’s, the farm supply store.
Calder and his brothers didn’t change out of their suits, but they took their coats off, thanks to the warm day and the equally warm breeze. Calder’s sleeves are rolled up, and his top button is undone. Every iteration of him in a suit does it for me. All the brothers are sitting with Carlos and Esme.
Carlos scrapes his chair back to face me. “No pressure, though, Meredith.”
“No pressure sounds divine.” Whatever he’s talking about.
Calder’s gaze softens, but his brothers’ do the opposite. Bowen’s brow furrows as he takes me in, but that’s become his default expression when it comes to me.
Did he hear me and Calder last night? My cheeks flush. Will they think my blush is from the heat?
Landry’s gaze is stony, like Calder’s was when he first arrived. Now Calder is more contemplative, but his youngest brother barely lets any emotion slip through. He didn’t shed a tear at either funeral, but then again, neither did I, and I’m not immune to emotion.
“Moving cattle in two weeks,” Carlos says like he can tell I wasn’t following the conversation. “Bowen’s made it four days, and he’s going for it. I’ve talked Landry into staying too. If he hasn’t forgotten his skills, we can drive them to the summer pastures. The horses need some work.”
A nostalgic grin lifts my lips. Cattle drives used to be fun. Ransom had the time of his life, Holly kept us fed, and I learned a lot. “I can help. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten out with Styx.”
