“If that’s what happened.” However, it makes more sense than a deer. I cross the road with an angle to my right, beyond where I searched the other day. “Dietz said there was no camera, and Finn came back to check.”
Landry joined me. “How hard did he look?”
“Finn’s a good kid, even if he’s a Sterling.” Carlos stands right behind us, charging his gaze through the grasses and the wildflowers toward the tree line. “Those boys spent the most time with their mom. Don’t hold that against them.”
A chuckle bursts out of me. It’s not what I expected Carlos to say. “They were too much like their dad growing up.”
Carlos flashes a smile. “They can make the same claim about you. Ram was never more unreasonable than when he was dealing with Gil. But that’s what happens when Gil’s wife insulted Julia every time she saw her. That woman loved to show off her oil money, but it sure didn’t buy kindness.”
“The Sterlings’ mom thought she and the precious babies she left were better than everyone.” Bowen positions himself between Carlos and Landry. We didn’t plan to form a search line, but we automatically start walking away from the crash site.
Landry scratches the back of his neck and stops. “It’s just a normal camera? Not, like, a hardcore photographer’s, with a ten-grand telescoping lens?”
I turn, and we keep the same formation, working our way back. Broom grass brushes my boots, and the drone of the cicadas grows louder.
“It’s a black Canon with a decent-sized lens. More than a point-and-shoot, but not like a professional.”
We sweep the ditch to the riverbank, where we stop and soak in the rush of the water. This spot should feel heavy and solemn, but all I can think is about how I’d love to come here with Meredith, tell her stories of when we were younger, and maybe dig out an old dusty fishing rod from the shop.
Does Meredith fish? A vision fills my mind. A laughing Meredith with a few curls escaping her braid, bent over a little boy with wild dark hair like my brothers and I had when we were kids. Shock detonates in my chest. Where the hell did that thought come from? Kids? I’ve never thought about having kids or a family.
That’s not true. That plan was reserved for later, for when I wasn’t chained to my desk, for when I had financial stability, and for when my family wasn’t fractured apart. I’m not at my desk. I have all the money I want or need. And I’m with my brothers.I can have a wife and a family, but doing so with Meredith at Crossroads might cause permanent fissures in our reunion.
My gaze sweeps the river. Landry picks his way over the rocks.
“You’re gonna fall in,” Bowen taunts, but he’s right behind Landry, selecting skipping stones from the ground.
My worries are pushed aside for now. The heaviness of what this shore now means to us is momentarily forgotten after bringing the three of us back together to the pastures that formed us. To the riverbank where some of our favorite memories were made.
“We should’ve brought the horses out here.” Landry catches a rock from Bowen on the rock he’s balanced on. “Bowen could’ve broken his wrist again.”
“Not funny.” Bowen sticks his hand in the air. “These hands are worth millions of dollars.”
“You can dictate,” Landry retorts. “Then you’d actually say something worthwhile.”
“Ha ha, fucker.”
Chuckling, I take in the space, dangerously close to imagining what it’d be like to stay longer, or to return to another time so we could ride here and spend the day. Would the guys go for it?
My phone vibrates. I’m hesitant to dig it out, but I do, since I’ve been unplugged most of the day. The corner of my mouth tips up. Meredith sent an image of Winnie curled up with four kittens surrounding her. They’re all tucked in together on our bed—her bed.
Meredith: Cuddle puddle.
I shoot her a picture of my brother trying to skip stones on the relatively calm river.
Calder: Not as cuddly and just as frustrating.
Calder: No camera. Sorry.
Meredith: Thanks for checking again. It means a lot. How many skips did you get?
Calder: Didn’t want to show them up.
Meredith: Of course. Always watching out for them.
My brother’s laughter floats on the breeze. The only thing that would make this better is having Meredith tucked into my side.
I catch Carlos out of the corner of my eye. His hat is off again, and he’s considering the area where the crash was located. Crunching through the grass, I make my way toward him.
