I took a deep drink of my tea and cleared my throat. “Julia said you went to look into a position for Mama and me ...”
David rubbed his hand along the edge of the table. “Yes. My brother, Garrett, has a friend from Cambridge by the name of Lord Pippen. He has a cottage sitting empty on his Lincolnshire estate. I went to visit him to see if it would be a suitable place, and I think it will do quite nicely. Lord Pippen was very kind, and he seemed more than happy to have the cottage occupied instead of empty.
“When I told him you would be willing to work to pay for your board, he mentioned some nonsense about my brother saving him from becoming a social pariah. He refused to accept your work. He was certain the cottage would be free for at least two years before he may need to do some repairs on it.”
I lifted my chin. “That all sounds lovely.”
David’s head rose. “Does it?”
“Yes.” I raised my hand to set it on his to reassure him but changed my mind and pulled away. His eyes caught my movement, and a flash of pain, or remorse, crossed his features. Our kiss hadmade me hesitant to touch him, and he knew it. “Thank you. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
He shrugged. “Married Mr. Green, I suppose.”
I wanted to laugh, but lightheartedness didn’t come. “I suppose so.”
“I was in jest, Anna. No one should be forced to marry someone not of their choosing.”
I attempted another smile. He was talking about Mr. Green, of course, but I couldn’t help but feel like perhaps our kiss had made him realize the last thing he wanted was to feel obligated to marry me.
That kiss had sent David to Lincolnshire and cost me weeks of time I could have spent engaged to him. I’d known it was a risk, yet somehow, my foolish heart had garnished hopes over the past few days that perhaps David had enjoyed kissing me enough to want to do it more often.
I took a sip of tea. Although it was no longer scalding, I drank slowly from my cup. Tate Hall didn’t feel dark and forbidding like it had eight years ago. It felt more like home than anywhere else I’d set foot in since Atwood Manor.
And just thinking that made me feel ridiculous.
I abandoned my plan of drinking slowly and instead drained the rest of my tea in a few large swallows. I placed my cup on the table and caught Julia’s eye. “If you think the carriage is ready, I should return home to Mama and tell her the good news. Or rather ... I can’t quite yet, can I?” I was getting ahead of myself. “I need to break the engagement first.”
“Oh.” Julia glanced at David and then at the door as though it were an escape. “The carriage might be ready. I’ll go check.”
“No,” David stood. “I will, then I can accompany Anna home so we can discuss how to tell her mother.”
He strode out of the room, and Julia and I were left alone. Whatever confidence she’d found earlier was gone, and mine hadn’t returned, so we sat in silence. Every once in a while, one of us rearranged our tea things.
David returned a few moments later, wearing his coat. “The carriage is ready.”
I grimaced. The only thing worse than sitting here drinking tea with David would be sitting in an enclosed carriage with him. Even as an engaged couple we shouldn’t be alone together. Not that I was under the delusion that he had plans to kiss me again. “You don’t need to escort me. You only just arrived.”
“It isn’t far in the carriage. And we need to speak to one another.”
We did. However, I wasn’t ready to discuss our plans. “Please, stay with Julia. I’m very grateful to you, but I’d like some time to think before we discuss how we are going to tell Mama. Let’s talk about it tomorrow.”
“Today might be better. You will need to start packing, and I was planning on repairing some fence line with Mr. Walker in the morning.”
I shook my head. “We have to pack either way. It won’t make a difference if Mama thinks we are preparing to come here to Tate Hall or to Lincolnshire. Come tomorrow afternoon, and we will speak of it then.”
David looked as though he were about to protest, but Julia laid a hand on his arm and shook her head softly. He heaved a sigh and nodded. “I’ll call on you tomorrow, then.”
It turned out that riding in a carriage just after discovering your world would soon be falling apart wasn’t the best decision. Covered by the four walls of the carriage, I was completely alone with nothing to distract me, and as soon as the carriage was out of sight of Tate Hall, I slunk down in my seat and covered my face with my hands. All the energy and zest for life David had started to convince me Ihad slid away. My life was once again ruled only by the thought of surviving until my twenty-seventh birthday. Hot tears formed behind my eyelids. Hope was such a quiet and fleeting thing; I hadn’t even noticed it sneaking up on me until it had been snatched away.
W
Chapter 13
“Julia and Garrett never believed Anna was real. I’m starting to wonder if perhaps they were right.”
—David Tate, 1848, Age 21
By the afternoon of the next day, I’d accustomed myself to the idea of leaving Breckenridge. I’d had a few days of seeing what life could have been like if I had been the kind of woman who was given her heart’s desires. I’d had a fiancé, a sister, neighbors who cared about me, a place to live, and a mother who hadn’t needed to worry about how long we would be welcome in our place of living. And now I didn’t, and that was life.
