David hadn’t had a positive word to say about his father, and I’d assumed, based on a few things he’d said, Garrett and Julia had similar feelings toward him.
“My father keeps him close, but two years ago, Garrett managed to move into some rented rooms of his own.” David looked down at his desk and moved a few papers around. “Now,” he said, making it clear he had no desire to keep speaking of his father, “If I’m going toignore my duties for the next few days while Garrett is here, I have a few things I need to look over before I dress for dinner.”
It was a dismissal. Not a harsh one but a dismissal nonetheless. I nodded, holding my inheritance to my chest. “Thank you again, David.”
He gave me a quick smile. “I wish I could do more.”
There it was again—his feeling that he was in my debt. I didn’t understand this man, yet somehow, I did. I just wished I knew what I could do to be more than someone he was grateful to for things I’d done for him so long ago.
Before dressing, I checked in on Mama again, but she was resting, and I decided not to wake her. When I got to my room, exhaustion overtook me. Rather than ring for Maren to help me dress, I lay down on my bed, fully clothed. Light shone through my four windows, but I closed my eyes and managed to doze off anyway.
I woke to noises coming from the adjoining room—a trunk being dropped and feet shuffling around. It seemed as though Garrett would indeed be sleeping in his father’s room. A strange arrangement with me in the adjoining one. I would have to ask David about the keys to the door. Did I have the only one? David trusted Garrett completely, but I’d met him only a few hours ago. I double-checked the door and made certain it was locked before glancing at the clock on the mantel.
I was over half an hour late for dinner.
W
Chapter 24
“Father saw me come in after I spent the afternoon with Anna. I paid for it. But memories of her make the pain fade, so I cannot regret it. And I will continue to sneak out as often as I can.”
—David Tate, 1841, Age 14
I looked in the mirror quickly and eyed my wardrobe, considering the few evening gowns I had there, but shrugged. Garrett and Julia wouldn’t mind if I came to dinner in a day dress, especially since I’d been so recently ill.
I padded down the silent halls unnoticed. As I neared the dining room, I heard laughter and paused. Garrett’s arrival had done something to this home. He’d brought a cheer with him I hadn’t known was possible here. Even Julia seemed to be on the verge of laughter more often than not. It was a beautiful thing. I crept forward with feet even quieter, not wanting to disturb the three siblings. The door was closed when I got to it, but I didn’t open it. Not yet. This house needed more laughter in it. My life needed more laughter in it. And I’d finally found it, thanks to the three people on the other side of this door. I’d never had siblings before, and David had gifted me with two.
How was I ever going to leave this place? I wanted to taste the fruit of that orchard ten years from now, when the trees were large and bearing massive crops. I wanted to hear laughter spilling outfrom the dining room on a regular basis or, even better, to be a part of that laughter. I wanted it all, and on paper, it should be mine.
But it never would be.
I took a steadying breath, placed my hand on the door to push it open, but paused when Garrett’s voice lifted above the laughter.
“You know she is in love with you.”
Had they been speaking of me? I did love David, and apparently, I hadn’t been able to hide that during the afternoon, but would they laugh about that? David’s poor wife, who was in love with him? My hand froze. I couldn’t enter the room now. But I also couldn’t make myself walk away.
David must have said something in return, but he mumbled, and I couldn’t make it out. No one had laughed at Garrett’s declaration, at least.
“That is a good thing, man,” Garrett said in response to David’s unintelligible response. “To have a wife who loves you.”
“No, Garrett, it isn’t.” David finally spoke loud enough for me to hear. “And she doesn’t. I mean ...” He made another sound like a groan. “She isn’t supposed to.”
“Why not?”
I should go in or leave. At any moment, a footman would arrive to bring in more food or clear away plates, and he would find me standing at the door listening.
“You know why not.” David’s voice was firm now. “She can’t stay here. Every day she is here is a risk. And even if it weren’t, I refuse to taint what is so lovely in her with the darkness in me.”
“There is no darkness in you.” Julia’s voice was soft, but she spoke clearly enough for me to hear.
The room was eerily silent after her words until Garrett echoed his sister’s statement. “Julia’s right. There is no darkness in you.”
“It would be a darkness for her.” This was spoken so softly I barely made out the words. And I knew—whatever they’d beenlaughing about earlier wasn’t because they’d been mocking me. There had been no laughter throughout this conversation. All three of them had been deadly serious.
A noise sounded behind me, and I jumped back from the door. What kind of mistress listened at the doors of her own home?
“Well, what are you waiting for?” A deep and frustrated voice said behind me. “Open the door.” I turned to see which footman would talk to me so brusquely only to step back and gasp.
