I sniffed. “And Garrett?”
“You heard him.” He leaned back so he could look me in the eye. “He handles Father well. At least, that is what he tells us. He lives two lives in London. He has friends there who know who he truly is, and with them, I believe he can be happy too.”
“And the rest of London?”
A slow smile spread on his lips, and he smoothed my hair on the sides of my head. “He says he doesn’t care about the rest of London.”
I drew in a shaky breath. “Well then, will you allow me to feel sorry for the younger David? The one I didn’t know was hurting?”
“No.” David wrapped his arms back around me. “Not for him either. Because he found you.”
I shook, my throat trying but not succeeding in holding back a strangled sob, and even though I tried so hard to keep them at bay, tears slid from my eyes. “I don’t think that makes up for all those scars.”
He pressed a soft kiss to my temple. “On that point, we will have to disagree.”
I nodded into his collarbone, even though he was being completely ridiculous. It wasn’t as though I could ignore the pain I’d just witnessed. No one could see that and not be hurt by it. “I can’t be bright and happy right now. I can’t. I’ve tried so hard to remain that cheerful young lady you met when I was seventeen, but this ...” I had no choice but to feel his hurt as deeply as my heart was capable.
“Do you think you were always happy that summer?”
I sniffed. Isn’t that what he’d said? “I don’t know. I thought that was how you remembered me. I’ve been trying so hard to live up to who I was then, but I simply can’t do it. Not right now.”
“No. Anna, no.” He placed a kiss just below each of my eyes, letting my tears stain his lips. “You brought light into my life because you were braver than anyone I’d ever met. You left songs in your wake, even though everyone who heard them knew you couldn’t sing.” His thumb finished the job of drying my cheeks. “You had the audacity to knock on the doors of some of the gruffest of my father’s tenants, leaving them baskets filled with foods like fairy cakes and berries. You held Charlotte as she panted her last breaths. You taught me to live when all I’d been doing up until that point was hiding. I’m in awe that a woman who lived her life like that could loveme. And I’m grateful.” His voice faltered for the briefest moment before he continued. “I’m so overwhelmingly grateful you do because I don’t think anyone else would be brave enough to see my world and then plead to be let in it.”
I opened my mouth, but I didn’t have any words to say. Not a single one.
David looked at me in concern, led me to the bed, and made me sit. “You’re still recovering from your fever.” He bent at the waist and dropped another kiss on my forehead. “You should rest.”
I reached for his arm, not willing to let him move away from me after everything he’d just said. My mind was reeling, and I wanted nothing more than to touch him, hold him, and show him how deeply his words had seared my soul. Before he had the chance to stand up straight, I placed a hand on his forehead, still feeling as though I needed an excuse to touch him. And he thought I was brave? “You haven’t felt sick?” I asked.
He let out a shaky laugh. “Unfortunately not.”
I tried to imagine our mad dash into the night with a very sick David. “Unfortunately?”
He nodded. “I recall some very specific promises were made about how you would care for me if I did fall ill.”
“Ah.” I closed my eyes, remembering the feel of his weight settling onto my bed, his chest warm upon my back. I slid my hand from his forehead to his cheek. “On second thought, you do feel rather warm.”
David leaned closer to me, tipping his head so it rested in my hand. “Ihavebeen feeling under the weather, now that you mention it.”
“You should rest,” I said, motioning to the empty space on the bed next to where I sat.
He nodded. The bed dipped beneath him, and he turned to face me. He looked the same, his eyes still a soft blue, his skin clear and smooth over the planes of his face, just as it had been before, but I saw him differently. We’d been dancing around issues for weeks, and even though I’d thought I knew him and even thought I’d loved him before, what I felt now was deeper. My love earlier had been selfish. I’d wanted David in my life for the happiness he brought me. Now, more than anything, I wanted to fill his world with joy.
I reached for one of his hands and cupped it in both of mine, tracing the base of his palm and wrist with my fingertips. I could feel his eyes on me, watching my every movement in the dim light.
With a reminder to myself that I was the brave young lady he’d once known, I found the button on his cuff and undid it. Lifting his sleeve slowly, I pulled it past his elbow and found the first scar I’d touched. It was nearer to his elbow than his wrist, and the skin was lighter than the rest of his arm. I slid a finger softly over it. The skin was surprisingly soft. David flinched, but he didn’t pull away.
“I’m not sure I can bear you touching them.”
I pulled my hand away from his arm and placed it on the perfect skin of his cheek. “David, I saw your chest. At least some of it. They’re everywhere. If you don’t want me to touch them, I’ll understand. But I’m telling you as your wife, I think you should reconsider.” He swallowed, and slowly, the sorrow in his face shifted, sloughing away some of his pain until I saw young David again. Not young, as he’d been when we’d first met, but young as I’d first seen him a month ago, striding toward me in the oak tree, dashing and handsome with curiosity and wonder in his eyes.
I cradled his hand once again and lowered my head to the crook of his bare arm until my mouth hovered over that first scar. I looked up at him through my lashes, and after three long, slow breaths, he nodded. I pressed my lips to the spot, and in my hopeful, pathetic way, I prayed my touch might heal a part of him.
At first, every muscle in his arm was tight, but after a moment, the tightness softened. With a slow, steadying breath, he placed a hand on my cheek, then dropped it and lifted his sleeve as high as it would go, letting me into a part of his world he’d shown no one else.
There were three more marks on his inner arm, and when I turned to inspect the outside, I found several more. Some were so faint I could barely make them out, and others left recesses in their wake.
“Oh, David.” I couldn’t help the strangled use of his name at the sight of them.
