Razul sets my basket on the counter, then leans over me. He works his fingers through me as he drinks from my breasts. All the sensation makes me ache for release, but Razul keeps every touch gentle enough that my desperation never overcomes my sleepiness.
When my breasts are empty, his thumb circling over my clit treats me to a gentle, soothing orgasm.
I sigh contentedly, dozing in my basket, totally and utterly at peace.
A dark,cold wind drags humid tendrils along my skin, making me shiver. The leaf litter is as deep and thick as mud, threatening to swallow me as I trudge beneath Sherexis.
This isn’t right. Where’s the desert? Where’s the warmth?
Awareness pangs like a spike of pain from an old scar. Words I’ve heard too many times echo.You’ve been reassigned.
The desert is gone. I’ll never see it again.
I stand on a steel platform, where a cold, empty starship waits for me.
Obediently, I drag myself inside, even as my instincts scream that I’m walking down the throat of a slumbering monster.
I stumble through a maze of halls until I find a supply closet where I’m sure I’m alone. When the door latches behind me, it’s as if my bones turn to liquid, and I collapse into the dark corner, already sobbing.
For twenty years, every time the ICSS sent me somewhere new, I just wanted to curl up in a corner and cry.
For twenty years, I never did.
Now, I give up. Even my stubbornness has abandoned me. I’ll be stuck in a metal box for the rest of my life.
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t make Razul love me.
The trial period is over, and so is all the happiness I’ve ever known.
And it’s all my fault. I’m sure of it.
What did I do wrong?
My sobs rise to panicked wails as I curl into a tighter ball, desperately trying to escape the spiraling cyclone that scrapes my chest hollow, leaving only ringing pain behind. I can’t breathe, I can’t think beyond the relentless question:
What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong?!
Darkness closes around me, threatening to swallow me whole.
I think I might let it.
But it’s not just darkness.
There’s also warmth.
I feel my breath in my lungs. Too fast, too shallow, but there.
The pressure around me remains steady, gentle. My cheek against a chest. Arms around my shoulders.
Razul.
I let out a pathetic wail as I throw my arms around his neck, squeezing tight. I’m sure I’ll be pried away, scolded for my outburst.
But his arms stay folded around me, and his fingers find my hair. He speaks soothing words over me, and I tighten my grip around his neck. My thoughts fade and soften. He strokes my back.
Then there are two taps behind my ear, and I forget what they mean until his low, crooning words form in my brain.
“You’re alright, Celeste. It was just a nightmare. I’m here. You’re alright.”
