Because the thing is, alphas can recover from the bond in a way that omegas can’t. It’s uncomfortable, sure, but Chuck didn’t lose much sleep when Mom and I left.
But once an omega is bound to an alpha, they can’t be unbound. Ever.
So, Morgan’s restraint is truly for my benefit. Even if her selflessness makes it that much more tempting to throw myself through the glass at her.
“I have an idea,” I say. “I’ll be back.”
“Jamie…” Morgan’s violence has paused, and she just looks… weary. She sinks into an unbroken chair. “You really don’t have to do this.”
I kneel against the glass nearest to her. I understand now—the open windows, the outdoor restaurant, the casino, the balcony. My scent triggers her, even when dulled by the suppressants. No wonder she’s been avoiding me.
“I want to,” I say emphatically. And now that I’m not drowning in her scent or irresponsibly tipsy, I can find the words a little easier. “At the anniversary party, I… I’d forgotten to takemy suppressants that day. I think smelling you triggered my heat early. And maybe that… imprinted on you, in a way. Made you more sensitive to me. Exacerbated your… your problems. It’s my fault. And I want to do what I can to… to help fix that.”
Morgan stiffens, her knuckles going white around the resin in her hands. “Jamie…” Her voice rings with warning. “I appreciate that kindness, but I need to be confident your martyr complex has nothing to do with this. I need to know whatyouwant.”
The words are a jolt, a shock to my system. A reset button. The truth pours out.
“I want you,” I breathe. “I wanted to stay, to watch you on that stage. You’re magnificent. A force of nature. I don’t think I’d need to be an omega to want to be lost in you. This trip has been…torturein the best possible way. I have been…piningafter you.” I want to tell her about all the times I’ve touched myself thinking of her, about just how much she’s tormented me, but I don’t want to set her off again. I don’t want to make this harder for her. Hopefully, the words I chose are enough.
“Please,” I say, pressing my palm against the glass. “I want… I want to get to know you like this.”
Morgan softens. She presses her palm against mine on the other side of the glass.
“Your plan had better be good,” she says, a smile creeping back into her voice.
“It is.”
Chapter 35
MORGAN
I hate this. Trapped on the balcony, snapping this stupid chair into tinier and tinier pieces.
I should be showing Jamie the night of his life.
If I were stronger, I would be.
But I’m not.
The optics, I’d told myself. That’s why it was critical to be careful with Jamie. Like I said to him, I’m not a good person.
But the only thing the beast and I can agree on is that I don’t want to hurt Jamie. And I believe that claiming him will hurt him so fundamentally that the beast actually halfway agrees. So, we’re at an impasse.
The beast quiets slightly as Jamie’s scent dissipates, but my skin still crawls. There’s no telling what will happen if I smell him again.
I’m afraid. Not just of what losing control means for Jamie, but of what it means for me.
Control is the foundation of my life.
Without it… what even am I? Everything falls apart.
My mind goes to what Jamie saw in the data. In my data.
Perfect compliance for over fifteen years.
I haven’t missed a single dose.
It makes perfect sense that there would be slip-ups in our study cohorts. We’ve discussed it before. I’d just never considered the significance.
