“I had a great foster home,” I add quickly, not wanting to diminish their role. “They took good care of me. I stayed with them until I moved to Quebec for hockey.”
“I’ll always be grateful to them,” she says softly, eyes downcast.
Before either of us can speak again, the waiter comes back with our food, and we dig in. The tone gets lighter after that. She asks me about hockey and my career, and I ask her about her company and how she turned her life around.
It’s weird, on every single level, to be having dinner and making conversation with mymother. But strangely enough, it also feels right. Like we’re just two people enjoying a perfectly normal Friday night.
The evening flies by a lot faster than I expected, and by the end, I feel good. Like a weight has fallen from my shoulders. Yes, I forgive her. Not because I have to, but because it’s what I choose.
I’m not saying she’s going to be my best friend, but she’s a decent person, and we have quite a few things in common. I didn’t think I still cared about unearthing my past. But meeting Helen filled the blank pages of my story and closed the wound I didn’t even know was there.
“I’m glad we did this,” she says as we wander toward the parking garage. “Thank you for meeting me.”
“Thank you for coming to DC and introducing yourself. I’m sure it wasn’t easy.”
“And,” she adds, “you’ll have to thank Harper for me again. I hope I can thank her properly someday.”
I look away. “Harper and I aren’t seeing each other anymore.”
“Oh,” she says softly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.”
My eyes fall to the pavement. “We started dating after DC, but I ended things when I found out she kept investigating you after I asked her not to,” I admit. “When I learned she took my DNA for the test… ”
The words still sting. But they also sound stupid now, given where I am.
Helen presses her lips. “I see. While I don’t agree with her methods, I do want to say that she is a great girl. I can tell how much she cares for you and wants you to be happy. It’s none of my business, of course, but I owe her this much, so I felt like I should say something.”
I hear her, but I can’t answer, my words drowned out by the thoughts whirling in my head.
“Well, I have to get going,” she says. “I’m driving back to Connecticut tonight. But hopefully we’ll see each other again. As I said, I won’t reach out unless you contact me, but don’t feel obligated to. I would understand if this was enough for you and you never want to see me again. I’m just happy I got to meet you, at least once.”
I nod. “Okay. Thank you, Helen. Drive safe,” I say, before spinning away to walk to my car.
As soon as I get in, I lean my head back against the headrest and close my eyes. This is way too many emotions to process at once. Too much information.
And amid my whirlwind of thoughts, Harper’s face keeps appearing front and center, and the sensation that I reacted too rashly grows with each passing minute.
No, she breached my trust. She went too far.
She did it because she loves you and wanted to help.
I told her to let it go! That I didn’t want to know.
And yet, you’ve never felt this at peace.
Even if that’s true, it’s too late. How can I ever trust her again?
Do you really think she’ll pull something like this a second time? It’s not like you have a second mother she can dig up for you.
No. I don’t forgive. I don’t give out second chances. Never have and never will.
And yet, you just handed out the biggest one of your life.
Crap, that’s true. If I can forgive my mother for abandoning me all those years ago, maybe I could give Harper a second chance for giving me the opportunity to meet her.
My chest tightens, my heart steeling with resolve. I know I have to do it. Because if meeting my mom and getting my answers did fill a void I’ve had for years, I can’t deny there’s another one only Harper can fill.
Maybe we still have a chance after all.
