With the requirements for all their needs outlined to the innkeeper, Darcy took Elizabeth’s arm in his, and then they ascended the steps to the room. She watched him intently throughout thischarade he played whenever they were in public. Two different men possessed his body. Although not as severe as her first impression of him, Darcy still possessed the same haughty reserve he used with her and others in Hertfordshire.Then there was the man who shared her bed, brought her flowers, and searched for her approval. Elizabeth supposed his breeding taught him to expect a certain amount of veneration from others. She found it both amusing and exhilarating how he could command a room simply by stepping through its doorway. She assumed she would never be able to duplicate such power over others. He may teach her the “workings” of Pemberley, but she doubted she could evercommandpeople’s respect as he did.
During the evening, Darcy became quieter and more resistant than she had seen him, and Elizabeth felt unsure as they neared Pemberley whether he ventured second thoughts about their relationship or whether he tired of her “silliness.” He stared at his wife, but it was not the stare that displayed his passion for her.This look showed contempt and disorder. Conversation was minimal, and when they crawled into bed that evening, Elizabeth felt disappointment because for the first time he did not take her into his arms. She could tolerate his not talking to her over dinner, but she did not think she could live without his touching her. Distraught, she began to sob although she fought to hide her feelings.
It was sometime before she felt his hand taking hers. They lay on their backs staring up at the ceiling’s darkness. Darcy held her hand, but that was all he offered her. “Elizabeth?” His voice came out distant and shallow.
“Yes, Fitzwilliam.” Elizabeth waited for his rejection; she did not think he would deny her in public, but she would just be “Mrs. Darcy” from now on. The tears rolled down her cheeks, but she emitted no sounds; she would not let him know it hurt her.
It was a long time before he spoke again.“I do not . . . I do not want to lose what we had in London.” She allowed herself a little gasp.“I was standing downstairs giving orders to Mr. Harvey, and I realized how little I changed after all. It frightened me I could soeasily slip back to the way I was before there was Elizabeth Bennet.” The tears flowed more freely, but the darkness shielded them from Darcy’s view. “Elizabeth, please say something.”
She swallowed hard before she answered. “Fitzwilliam, you cannot control your station in life; it is what you do with the position which will define you.”
He rolled over to caress her face when he realized she cried. “Elizabeth, have I offended you?”
The tears flowed faster as the tenderness in his voice swept over her.“I thought you held second thoughts of taking me to Pemberley. I thought you sorry for your decision to make me your wife.”
“Elizabeth, do you not know by now I could never deny my love for you? I think of nothing else; you control—consume me. Even when I acted as such downstairs, it was my perverted way of protecting you from others.”
She began slowly, trying to find the words to bring him peace. “I too was amused at how you slipped in and out of both social modes,” she stammered, “but, Fitzwilliam, you were never what you may seem to others; you could not change completely—no one can change all the experiences which define him—the man in whose arms I fall asleep each night is the man you always were; the other is your protection from the world—the same as I face the world with a saucy manner. I am impetuous, and at one time saw only faults in others; ironically, those faults I found within myself as well.” During this, his face was buried in her hair, and she stroked the back of his head. “We are very much alike, my Love; we are neither purely one thing nor another; there are no pure breeds here; we are amixed breedas will be our children.” Darcy allowed himself a chuckle at this reference. “Fitzwilliam, please, we can be conventional and gracious at the same time. There was a time I renounced your social sense; now I value many of those same practices as part of the man you became.You do not have to decide to be one or the other; you may be the man your parents wanted you to be in all your glory and social standing and also be the man who graciously receives the love and respect of those who know him.Your parents would want that man to be the master of Pemberley.”
Elizabeth knew from the short bursts of his shoulders he too sobbed. Finally, he spoke softly. “It seems we see things in each other no one saw before. We are only perfectly understood by each other.”
She laughed lightly. “I always said, there is a great similarity in the turn of our minds.”Then she said more seriously,“Fitzwilliam, I wanted nothing but to be with you at Pemberley for months now, but I will not settle for the house. I want the man with whom I spent the last two weeks. I want the passion; I cannot live without your touch. Can you not be both? A person can only be known by the quality of his performance.”
His kisses began at the back of her neck, as Darcy’s hands moved slowly up her body; he encircled her with his and hearing her breath catch and feeling her body rise to meet his, he was spell-bound by his love for her. “Lizzy, I love you more than life itself. I cannot be anything without your love.”
“Then let me judge your performance, Mr. Darcy,” she giggled.
“Your wish is my command, Mrs. Darcy.” They melted into one.
It became evident to both of them on this trip they would occasionally face moments of self-doubt, but not questions of their devotion to each other.The morning brought them a few minutes of quiet reflection before they began to prepare for the final part of their journey.As usual, she lay across his chest. “Fitzwilliam, may we look about the village before we leave? A short walk would be pleasant if it is safe to do so.”
“The woman refuses to shop in the finest establishments in London, but she wishes to stop her journey to her new home to see what the local merchants have to offer.”
“You knew I was a small town country girl when you proposed, Mr. Darcy,” she taunted him once again.
As they walked about the village, Elizabeth glowed with happiness. She conversed with the shopkeepers, eventually choosing a fewsmall trinkets for Georgiana but also for Mrs. Annesley and Mrs. Reynolds.“They will be surprised by the gift,” is all Darcy said.
As they prepared to leave, a brown and white pup came scampering across the wooden walkway and hid in the hem of Elizabeth’s skirt. She stepped back gingerly and picked up the pup, caressing it while scratching behind its ears and making cooing sounds. She held it up to her husband. “Is it not adorable, Fitzwilliam?”
“It is a dog, Elizabeth. Most dogs are not adorable.”
“Well, this one is.” She held it in the air and made the cooing noise again. “Look, Love, it has those same sad Darcy-type eyes. I bet it could duplicatethe look.”
“Elizabeth, you never cease to surprise me. Tell me, if I offer to purchase the dog from Mr. Harvey, I will not find it in our bed at night.”
“Oh, Fitzwilliam, I never had a pet before; Mama would never allow it.” She was so excited he could not hide his happiness at giving her something she wanted.
He cautioned, “This is a Springer spaniel, Elizabeth. It is an outside dog—a hunting dog—a gun dog; it is not a lap dog one sees in the finer homes in London.”
“I understand, Fitzwilliam. Could we not train it to go out with me on my walks or when we ride?”
Darcy pulled her close and then tapped her chin with his index finger, and she gifted him with a quick kiss although they were on the streets of the village. “I will speak to Mr. Harvey before we leave.” He rolled his eyes.
In the coach the dog slept at her feet or curled up on her lap the rest of the way to Pemberley. Darcy feigned annoyance, but she knew he enjoyed her enthusiasm. “I cannot wait for someone to ask what wedding gifts I gave you, Elizabeth. They will think I married a soldier when they hear you asked for a horse, a gun, and a hunting dog.”
“I keep telling you I am a foolish woman, Sir.” She put the pup down on the floor and crawled into his lap.“You do not think meto have no feminine qualities, do you, Fitzwilliam?” She giggled when she saw his face soften and felt his body hardened to her advances. With her arms wound tightly around his neck, she professed her love for him by starting her kisses in the soft indentation of his shoulder and working her way up.
“I admire all your feminine qualities, Mrs. Darcy.” He pulled her closer to him and enjoyed the heat of her kiss.
